"C. Gregory" ) writes:
hi there, new to this board.

i need help, and advice, and info please!!!

i have a son who is almost 2. i have spanked him, and hated it every time. i
do not wish to hit my child, in fact untill just recently (a couple of
months ago) i never thought i would i was as anti spanking as you can get
( i dont think its right, i just dont). the problem is that i just dont know
what else to do. its what i grew up with, and what i knew, and i'm at my
whits end!!! any non spanking parents of toddlers, PLEASE give me some
advice.


thank you




Hello. I think you would like to read the book
"Setting Limits: Raising Responsible Children with
CLEAR Boundaries" by R. Mackenzie. This book tells
how to get children to follow rules, without
spanking and without ever needing to yell either.

Toddlers can be very very frustrating at times.
It helps to keep a sense of humour. When
everything is going wrong, try to just suddenly
break out laughing. Sometimes it works.

It's good to calmly think out a plan for what
to do when the child does something you don't
like. When you have some free time (as if
parents of toddlers ever do!) you can try to
think of things the child might do, and then
think of how you will respond.

Example: your child hits another child.
One way to respond: you calmly say "we don't
hit." You pick up your child and take him/her
away from the other children, away from the
toys, to a quiet place for a whole minute
(which seems like a long time at that age.)
Then you take your child back, maybe say
"let's play gently," and that's that.
If the child hits again, you do it again.
Similar actions have been proven in scientific
studies to be as effective as spanking in
teaching proper behaviour. Probably more effective
in the long run.

Better yet, you watch and catch your child
before he/she hits. "I see you're frustrated
because you want that toy. Let's ask the
other child for a turn."

If you tell me what situations you spank in,
I can give alternative suggestions for those
situations.

One idea: do everything else the same, but
just don't spank! Just do something to calm
yourself down instead. The child will
sometimes do things you don't like, whether
you spank or not. If you don't spank, in
the long run, he/she will probably behave
a lot better than if you do.
--
Cathy