"Vickychick" wrote in message
om...
oaway (Joelle) wrote in message
...
I think Paul has a point about how a lot of women have higher
standards about housekeeping than men. So they don't give men credit
for
what
they do, or they complain and criticize what they do and so they don't
do
it.

So rather than talk about what is going on, they withdraw help to teach
the little woman a lesson?

Well that really puts it back on men to look at it that way. I doubt
they are
thinking about "teaching her a lesson" - my guess is, they don't like
being
criticized so they don't do it. Kids are like that. People are like
that.
Yea, talking about it helps. I'm just offering the counter to the
stereotype
that "men never help around the house" with the other side that when
they do,
it's often not good enough.

I think there's a power thing going on, women still want to be "in
charge" of
the housework and want to set the standards. But if it really is a
shared
responsiblity, then you have to agree on the standards as well.

Joelle
The world is a book and those who do not travel read only one page - St
Augustine
Joelle


So right. You must have patience. I am now teaching J and C to iron. I
want them to be self sufficient when they are in college, etc. I have
set up the washing machine to arrows and stickers...put arrow
here....and a direction sheet nearby. Of course, we discussed the
dangers of the equipment too. It is supervised, but one day it won't
be.
BOTH a male and female child are doing the same chores and I do not
label them as "male or female" roles. That does not fly in my home.
V

I have to say though that the roles still play a 'role' in my life. I have a
tendency to define myself as a man by my ability to look after my family,
and in this context look after generally means financial and
confrontational. I need to be able to provide enough money to keep my family
well, if anyone hassles any of my immediate circle then it is my role to
confront the 'hassler' and take some remedial action. This may only mean
taking the little brat to its mother and telling the mother that an apology
to my child might be in order in addition to some proper discipline at home
(or it could mean the Charles Bronson I'll come after you guys route, don't
know, in the four and a half year old circles not many gangsters or murders
as yet!) and I do tend to think of more household responsibilities when I
think of the female role. In practice, though, what each party does in any
relationship I have been involved in tends to be sort of mutually agreed
even if some of it just sort of happens like the potato peeling turning into
my responsibility (as I said I like it cos I find it easy, I'm really quick
and if I'm doing that I can't be given any other jobs I consider to be
lousy). In some ways single parent hood has been good in that its certainly
taught me a lot and I can do all the jobs required, know what is involved in
each so I know when and where sacrifices are being made. HanK is right in
that in some ways it is easier when there is no negotiation, you just get on
with all the jobs and make all the decisions, however it is also hard in
that there is lots to be done to bring a child up and I do think 2 would be
better. Sorry, rambling, good old Budweiser time outs! Anyhoo, with what I
know now and have been through I think I am a better person and a better
parent

Andrew

PS (still not tempted to buy an animated T shirt to go with my inspirational
emails though!)