Hi Robyn, thank you for your opinions. I agree that I don't need any labels
about my parenting style, I just wanted to communicate to people my
philosophical choices regarding parenting. I was hoping to hear from others
who shared this viewpoint about ways that they got around being exhausted
while still upholding the general concept. I am very pleased to have so
many responses to my query, I have learned a fair bit from what you and
others have said. I will try a sling again and see how that works. I find
that my back gets really sore while using the sling or anything else to
carry this baby. I'm certain that there are some muscles in my sides have
been affected by my section, since I used to lie down for most of the day
for many weeks. Anyway, we'll see what happens as I get a bit stronger.
For now, Raine loves the Snugli and I can carry him everywhere in it.
Thanks again, Alicia


I think you may be overestimating the value of "attachment parenting" as
the one true and correct way to parent. I understand that you prefer this
philosophy, and that's great, to the extent that you can keep it up and
stay sane!

However, lots of parents who haven't chosen attachment parenting also
end up with children who develop a trusting relationship with them as
well. I have 3 boys, ages 2, 7 and 10yo, and they all have a very
close relationship with me despite sleeping in their own cribs (after
a bassinet or similar by my bed for *my* convenience in the early months)
and occasionally being allowed to cry, and even being (gasp!) Ferberized
(though I now believe there are gentler methods to achieve the same end).

It sounds to me like you are looking for affirmation that you can put your
baby down to cry when you're desperate, and still be a "good attachment
parent".

What I want to tell you instead is that you need not put a label on
your parenting choices, nor worry about living up to someone else's
standard of "attached enough". You need to do what feels right to you
while meeting your own needs as well. It sounds like the solution
you've come to for now is to adopt a basically attachment style of
parenting, but needing to take some space occasionally. I think that's
fine and I think your child will be fine. You may feel better if you
learn to nurse in the sling and manage to get yourself something to
eat, etc. while nursing. It's a learned skill, but worth working on.
Older babies are generally easier to nurse while doing other things, so
keep trying.

No one *wants* to put their baby down and let them cry. Yet most parents
end up doing it occasionally if they don't have someone else they can hand
the baby off to when they have had it. It doesn't make you a bad parent.
Whether or not it makes you a bad "attachment parent" I have no opinion
nor standing to judge.

Good luck, and enjoy your baby, and do be sure to take the time to heal
from
your own difficult birth as well. You don't do your child any favors by
short-changing your own health!


--Robyn (mommy to Ryan 9/93 and Matthew 6/96 and Evan 3/01)