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Old June 1st 07, 05:26 PM posted to misc.kids
Vickie
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Posts: 96
Default Friendship problem for my 9 year old

Hello all,

Hope you all can come up with some good advice on this one.

My 9 year old has had a friendship with a troubled girl since
Kindergarten. This little girl's family is a mess and has now reached
a pivotal point for me.

In kindergarten, my child and this friend became close, and it was a
deceit friendship. As time rolled on I noticed a change in my
daughter. She was very confident in herself, then not so much. When
I talked with her about it she told me of this little girl and how she
would play with my daughter then on-a-dime change tactics and tell her
she was not her friend anymore. It was a typical *kids are mean*
scenario.

When I met her mom on occasion during drop offs, etc., she started to
tell me of her problems, not the girl's, but her own. She was a
recovering drug addicted/alcohol abuser. She had done some crazy
things in her life, before and after having her kids. The husband was
in and out of the picture, with the same problems, and had done a lot
of jail time.

I didn't want to dissolve the friendship between the girls and was
hoping the mom would stay recovered and things would be fine.

During this time I would have the little girl over every now and then
and it always ended up in fights. I started getting calls from her
mom if I could pick-up her daughter and bring her home, or she was
having a bad day and could her 2 daughters stay over, because she
needed a break. And a few times asked for money.

The mom did not stay recovered and you could see the results in her
daughter. She would become very mean toward my daughter on occasion.
My response was for my daughter to walk away during these times and to
make some new friends to play with when this happened.

By the end second grade my daughter was a mess with the taunts and
name calling this girl was giving her. I said it was time to cut ties
for awhile.

Third grade, which I think is a hard year, my daughter has turned some
corners, made some good friends, and gained some confidence back. Of
course, she gets mean looks and confrontations every once in awhile
from this little girl, but she took the high road, and I am proud of
her.

The last few weeks, this little girl has tried to become friends again
with my daughter. My daughter is very wary of doing this. And sure
enough the, *You are a brat, you are bossy, don't be a know-it-all,
why do you like HER, etc.* has started again. So once again I told my
daughter, it is just not a good relationship, to be polite, but back
off and hang around her other friends.

I received a call yesterday, from little girls mom, telling me my
daughter had said she was not allowed to play with her daughter
anymore. I told her that I felt they were just not seeing eye to eye
on things and needed another break. She said she understood and had
told her daughter it didn't mean they would not see each other over
the summer or talk on the phone.

Then, the big news. She told me her daughter really needed my
daughter's friendship right now because a couple months ago, her
husband, on drugs, came over, while the little girl was there, and
attacked her (the mom). She said he had a knife, stabbed her, slashed
her neck, threw her around, while she screamed for the little girl to
call 911. I was horrified and felt so bad for her. But, as a mom, a
kept focusing on her 2 girls and asking if they were getting the
therapy they needed. She kept blowing that off and talking about
herself and how horrible it was for her. I agree but I was really
focused on the little girl who saw all of this happening. I couldn't
even figure out if the mom had even tried to get counseling for the
girls.

So, here I am. I really, really don't want to get involved anymore in
this. My heart goes out to her and her children, but I really don't
want to deal with this. When the calls come this summer for play
dates, etc. should I keep up with the excuses or get a back-bone and
just tell her when she gets her life back on track and help for her
girls to then give me a call?

Hope some of you stayed with me. I know I wrote a lot. Just trying
to give you the big picture.

Thanks,
Vickie