"teachrmama" wrote in message
...

"Chris" wrote in message
...

"teachrmama" wrote in message
...

"Chris" wrote in message
...

"teachrmama" wrote in message
...

"Bob Whiteside" wrote in message
...

"April" wrote in message
...

"teachrmama" wrote in message
...

"April" wrote in message
...

"teachrmama" wrote in message
...

"April" wrote in message
...

"teachrmama" wrote in message
...

"April" wrote in message
...

"teachrmama" wrote in message
...

"April" wrote in message
...

"teachrmama" wrote in message
...

"April" wrote in message
...

"teachrmama" wrote in message
...

"John Larkin"

wrote in message
...
On Tue, 17 Jul 2007 23:56:31 -0700, "teachrmama"

wrote:


"John Larkin"

wrote in message
news:k58r9314s5d0bpnn6tgndii8k5tmpc ...
On Tue, 17 Jul 2007 20:38:32 -0700, "teachrmama"

wrote:


John, think about it. How would you feel in a
situation
like that. (And
please don't go all preachy on me and tell me how
you
would
*never* behave
in such a way as to create such a problem)


I have no idea. I wouldn't get into a situation
like
that.

How did I know that you were going to say that. So,
John,
I
would like a
bit of clarification from you. Do you feel that it
is
ok
for
a woman to
conceal from a man the fact that he is a father until
12
years have passed,
then demand current child support plus 12 years of
back
support? Do you
feel that she is doing right by the child to deny
that
child
a father for 12
years so she can build herself a nice nest egg?


I'd prefer she didn't, but then if she has fed,
housed,
and
cared for
his kid for 12 years, don't you think he owes her
something?
Even if
she collects $84K, that amounts to $7000 a year,
about
80
cents an
hour, not to mention expenses like food and clothing
and
medical.

I would say that when the woman can give the man HIS
SHARE
of
the hugs and kisses, the first steps and first sords,
the
firts day of schools, the "let's paly ball, Dad's" and
wrestling matches and dancing-on-Daddy's-feets, and
all
the
other wonderful growing up memories that dad's and
kids
share,
then and only then should he pay her "child support"
for
all
the years she stole from him and his child. If SHE
made
the
unilateral decision to be a single parent for 12 years
(while
keeping all the wonders of the child's growing and
development
for herself), she should be not only willing, but
obligated,
to pay the price herself.

If you gave your friend a lawnmower, and he mowed your
lawn
for you for 5 years, but only did it while you were at
work,
and never told you he was doing it, would you be
willing
to
fork over several thousand dollars when he demanded it
at
the
end of 5 years?

Sorry, but I see too many men who abuse their children
or
spouses to totally agree with you. To make my point,
if
you
gave your friend a lawnmower and he broke it while
doing
your
lawn.... should YOU have to pay for it?

Oh, I see. Because some men abuse their children, all
men
should be handed the sh*tty end of the stick?
** I'm not saying that. You were making a genaralization
and
so
was I. Each case is different.

That doesn't even begin to make sense, April.
Are you attempting to say that a woman who has a child
without
informing the man that she is pregnant, then demands 12
years
of
back child support plus ongoing support has the RIGHT to
do
that. because some men have been abusive?
**Nope, wasn't attempting.

No proof necessary that this particular man might become
abusive--just the woman's unilateral decision? I've
known
some
mothers who have abused their children--does that mean
that
it
is ok with you that a father could take his child and
run
off
with the child, and 12 years later demand 12 years of
back
child
support?
** My Mother left my father with me when I was 2, After
30
years,
I finally found my father. My mother told me lies all my
life.
I WAS an abused child. Mentally, Physically and
Emotionally
by
her. My mother doesn't deserve anything. It was her
choice
to
keep me away from my father all those years and deprive
me
of
having him in my formative years. ( doesn't matter, come
to
find
out I was always like him even when he wasn't around lol)
I'm
just saying you were generalizing in your post so I
retorted
doing the same. I don't totally disagree with you but I
don't
totally agree either. There are exceptions.

But, unfortunately, the current CS law does not recognize
that.
It's "victim mommy" deserves the money becuase she raised
the
child alone. I do not think that a mother who purposely
keeps
a
child from the father deserves a flipping penny whe she
finally
proves paternity. IF she is doing because of abuse, she
needs
to
PROVE it!! But the system doesn't care about anything
except
the
almighty dollar. To heck with a child's need to have 2
parents--only money matters.



** Isn't that the way the world is with EVERYTHING? Sad I
know,
but it's the truth. Money is the most important thing to
most
ppl
anymore. Not values.. and certainly not morals.

So let's get this down to your personal opinion--not that it
is
any
more important than mine or any other individual's when it
comes
to
the child support system. Do you, personally, think that a
woman
should be able to have a child without informing the father,
raise
that child for 12 years, then demand 12 years of back child
support
and ongoing support? (Barring any sort of abuse, of course)
Do
you
think this is right?


**No I don't. As I said it was her choice to keep the father
away
from the child not his. Whay should he have to pay for her
choice?
Now, if the mother is prepared to allow the father visitation
and
allow him to get to know his child. I think from that point
on
out
he should pay child support. Hard to pay for something you
didn't
even know you had.

Yes, that's my take on it also. Some places, however, still
charge
a
man back to the birth of the child, no matter what. Other
places
have
recognized the unfairness of using a man as a savings account
without
his knowledge, and limit the amount of time they charge for.
Some
have refused to charge any arrearages at all in such
situations.

From your experience growing up without your father, I can see
that
you realize first hand how important it is for a child to have
his/
father in his/her life. I wish more people understood that
money
will
never replace a father. Nor can the hole in the father's
heart
be
healed by telling him "but you get to pay for all the time you
missed."

** Well, I had to leave my son's father. He was very abusive
to
me
and
was starting on our son. I could handle it, but you don't beat
on
a
1
1/2 year old because he won't stop crying because he doesn't
want
a
nap. He had anxiety issues and was being medicated for about a
month.
Then he quit. He promised month after month to go back but it
never
happened. AFter 3 months State troppers knock on my door
because
my
husband was caught on surveillance cameras stealing over
1200.00
for
his job.( he worked retail). I couldn't handle anymore. I gave
him
an
easy choice. He could forego paying support by just signing
him
totally over to me. He refused. He paid child support. He
couldn't
keep a job,and was constantly behind on his payments. In over
4
years,
he never once tried to see his son yet would tell me that the
name
is
what's important ( mind you the child knows nothing about the
family
name since his father never saw him) and that he still loves
him.
I
never will understand my ex-husbands philosophy on all of this.
But
Alas, I have remarried and Next month we all go downtown to
swear
in
front of the judge that my husband is adopting my son. his
father
finally.. (after 7 years) realizes that our son is better off
having
a
father who does things with him and takes care of him. So I
guess
my
story DOES have a happy ending

I'm very glad to hear that a man who had no wish to be a father
stepped
aside so that the man who wants to be the father is free to
raise
your
child with you. It's too bad it took the bio dad so long to let
go.
If
any child support arrearages have accrued, will you be signing a
letter
of satisfaction saying that they are paid in full?

I wish you and your family the very best, April. It sounds like
things
are working out well for all of you.
** to tell you the truth, he paid up all his back arrears and is
also
paying ofor the adoption. Lawyer's idea and I agree... on one
hand
he
could be paying the next 9 years of child support or the $1200.00
for
the
adoption.. He opted for the latter.

Wait a second. You have a legal CS obligation too. How much have
you
been required to pay all along? Why are you so willing to sell
out
your
own CS obligation? Do you really think accepting $1200 lets you
off
the
hook to support your child?

I don't quite understand what you are asking, Bob. April said her
child's
bio father never wanted anything to do with the child, but refused
to
sign
away his rights.

Just curious: what exactly are these "rights"?

The right to be legally identified as the boy's father.

Translation: The right to have his money extorted from him.

It was HIS choice, Chris.

We're talking two different kinds of rights here; court appointed rights and
REAL rights. In his case it is the former, thus NOT his choice.

chuckle