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Old November 16th 03, 08:23 PM
Doan
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Default Kids should work !!!

On Sun, 16 Nov 2003, Doan wrote:

On Sun, 16 Nov 2003, toto wrote:

On 16 Nov 2003 05:57:58 -0800, (Greg Hanson)
wrote:

LaVonne
No spanking? No KP work as punishment?

Do you hate all discipline of any kind?

This could get interesting.. You are against
spanking, against KP duty, against shame, etc.

Lord of the Flies eh?


Positive Discipline is about teaching children right from wrong
and seeing that they become responsible for self-discipline.

This is a noble goal. However, the question that have to be asked is
: how effective is it? Remember that we are dealing with imperfect
human beings!

Neither punishment nor external rewards work to accomplish
this.

Then let get rid of juvenile halls, abolish the police and justice
department. Are we living in the real word?

Children learn what they live.

Positive Parenting Methods

First and foremost, model the behavior you want your child to
emulate. Children learn what they live. Teach by example, not
words.

Second, assume your child is good even when he misbehaves.
Understand that his actions have an underlying developmental
reason. Remember that children are *learning.* Approach
misbehavior as a teachable moment.

Third, state your rules and requests in positive ways, not
negative ones. Redirect her to things she can do rather than
trying to keep her away from things without alternatives.

Fourth, explain. Make sure you have his attention. You may need
to go closer to him, to touch his shoulder, to look directly in
his eyes.

Fifth, always try to look for the underlying cause of the behavior
and address that so that the need is actually met in acceptable
ways. Give her choices between many things that are acceptable
to you

Sixth, give him warnings of transitions so that they become easier
to manage. Children, like adults, need to complete activities
they are absorbed in.

Seventh, allow for time-outs when your emotions or hers are out
of control. Time-outs can be used non-punitively to allow both
the adult and child to regain control of their emotions. Teach
her to count to 10, to breathe, to walk away by modelling the
techniques you use to manage your anger.

Eighth, say what you mean and mean what you say. Don't give a
lot of warnings, give one and then act. Give him time to comply,
but follow through.

Ninth, plan for situations before they arise. Try to stay calm
yourself. Allow her to vent her feelings and accept them.

Tenth, as your child grows, involve him in making the rules and
choosing the consequences for breaking them Brainstorm and
problem solve with him.

Eleventh, make amends when you make a mistake. Apologize to
your child when you have made a mistake. Accept his apologies
gracefully as well.

Twelfth, give your child responsibility for real tasks that help
make your family work, keeping the chores within her developmental
stage and allowing her input into what the chores should be and
when to do them.


All good advice. But according to the APA, effective discipline


Oops! That should be the AAP not APA.

Doan

has three components: 1) a loving relationship, 2) positive reinforcements
to encourage good behaviors and 3), negative consequences or punishments
to reduce bad behaviors. It is like three legs of a tripod, you can't
ignore one and hope to have a stable platform.

Doan