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Old August 30th 06, 12:24 AM posted to
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Posts: 690
Default Feeling Guilty...

"'Kate" wrote in message
On Tue, 29 Aug 2006 03:26:51 GMT, "xkatx" the following
was posted in blue dry erase marker:

About a few things...
Is it normal or alright to feel guilty over something, for example, like
I know, obviously, I need to eat as well as everyone else, but I find that
don't drink milk because the kids need it, as much, if not more, than I
Might not be true, but that's how I feel.
I also find that I make enough for supper for all of us to eat whatever,
I find I eat less to save that food for leftovers the next day (or in a
couple days) and I snack on other small things - like I'll make rice and
chicken for the kids, let them eat what they eat and I'll eat enough to
me over and then I'll make a bowl of vegetable soup to save enough chicken
for the kids the next day for them to have a more proper, balanced meal

I try and limit my shopping outings... I try and do shopping in one shot
groceries. I also find that I look for sales, there's very few items I
pay extra for the real thing (Heinz ketchup and Miracle Whip are 2 things
can think of off the top of my head that I would rather go without than
the cheap stuff) and I find I buy meat on sale and toss it in the freezer
rather than cooking up fresh whatever every day. I still find it hard,

I also sat down earlier to take a look at the bills... ALL are overdue,
yea, I know I have no one to blame but myself over it. I did call my mom
and asked her if she'd be able to come over, or me go over to her house,
sit down and go through the bills. By over due, I mean I have 1
disconnection notice and the rest of the bills are waaaay up there - like
I put it off any longer, they will send disconnection notices for the

Does anyone have any ideas for bills and how to manage them?

Aside from having enough money to pay them? Yeah, call all the bill
senders and explain that you've just separated, you're pregnant, and
you're in need of help. See if they can extend your due dates or spread
payments over time.

You mean pay a bit above and beyond for a bill? What I mean is see if maybe
Power Company will accept a payment plan of maybe an extra $20 on top of
whatever the monthly bill may be? (eg: Power is $50 this month, pay $70 to
them, next month bill is $60, pay $80 to them? - for example)

If you have luxury bills like a cell phone and
cable, get them disconnected. If you can get dial up instead, use dial
up. Find the cheapest in your area.

The cell phone is a contract. I have to find a way out of the contract or
pawn the remaining contract (for 2 phones) off on someone else. Cable is
scheduled to be knocked off for my next billing period. I do not like
pro-rated rates, and with the time they need to disconnect (or so they say)
it ends up being a few days before my new billing period anyways. It's the
Internet that we have the regular high speed ADSL - on contract. I am going
to call in and see if I can possibly live out the rest of my contract (or
for as long as I need to, anyways) on something cheaper - like their dial up
service. In this area, there's not much for options on stuff like that.

Cut your insurance to just liability
for now.

Always have had only PLPD - minimum required for putting a car on the road.

Check with the power company to see if you can negotiate a
cheaper rate or find a new power company with a cheaper KWH rate and
then call your current company ... see if they can beat it.

Ah. Never thought of that. I got myself locked into a contract with the
new power company back in November or so. They were far cheaper than what
we were with, and with the contract, rates are locked at that amount and
won't go up (then you get to the end of the contract and it goes way up lol)
There's 2 power companies to choose from - AFAIK. We're on one and switched
to that one from the other, with higher rates. Maybe I can negotiate for a
cheaper rate, though!

If you
switch phone service, they will often have special deals for 6 months or
so. Maybe by then, you'll be back on your feat or your ex will be able
to help.

The only other phone company around is through the cable company. New(er)
service and by far less reliable than the actual phone company. That's what
I hear from others who switched anyways. The cable company's phone service
is also WAY more expensive. It's a set rate and comes with ALL the bells
and whistles for that extra cost - currently pay about $25 for the phone -
the cable company is, I think, something like $50 or $55 because it comes
standard with free long distance (I do not call long distance or have any
reason for this, even currently have a block on all long distance/charge
phone numbers on my phone) call display, voice mail, call waiting, bla bla
bla. I really have no use for any of those for the extra money it is. I
also kinda like the phone number I have and have had since day 1. It's
almost like a piece of me would be gone if I lost that phone number LOL j/k

I went through them, but I did give up. It kind of made me upset to sit
go through them and think about them.
The bills I have to pay a Rent, power, phone, Internet, cable, cell
phone, car insurance.
My rent I can't bother trying to change, nor can I bargain with the
insurance company. I have basic PLPD on the car anyways, just enough to
make it legal on the road.

ok.. .then check around for cheaper companies anyway.

Maybe something will be new since around March when I insured this car.
Maybe someone might try and offer a better deal if I'm serious about

I also do need the home phone, and it's
currently as a basic line, no long distance or anything. I do have call
display, which I'm debating on getting rid of or not. That's the one and
only 'extra' I see I have. The power also needs to be as it is.


For which part?
With children and babies, I feel that a phone is a necessity in the case of
emergency, not a luxury.
With call display, I have had some issues with people calling as well as
telemarketers harrassing me, not to mention there's a bill collection place
on my case because they say that I was paid vacation pay 2 times from my
last job - a year and a half ago. I've sent them documents and papers to
show I was not over paid, and they call all hours. I log when they call and
if it continues the way it is, I plan to make a complaint.
Also, the power, well, you need power. I'd be evicted if the power was not
on here, as you need to have power in order to stay a tenant.

Before someone jumps on me about the others... (Internet, cable, cell
I'm currently locked into a 2 year contract with the Internet. That
this past December around Christmas, so I'm stuck with the Internet
until about December of '07. I was thinking, however, about calling the
and seeing if there is any possible way that I can still live out my
contract for less money (IE, downgrade from the high speed ADSL to a lower
grade ADSL or even possibly dial up - which I both assume are cheaper per
month.) To cut the Internet would mean I would have a $250 charge on my
account, and because the Internet and phone are the same company, same
I really can't do that because they'll cut my phone line if I don't pay
that. To me, a smaller amount each month is easier to manage than a huge
lump sum to pay off or be disconnected.

Find an area that they do not cover and tell them that's where you're
moving. They will tell you, "We don't currently cover that area." It's
not your fault that they don't cover that area. You will probably not
have to pay out the contract that you're willing to keep... it's their
problem that they don't cover that area.

Internet and phone are the same company, comes on the same bill each month.
It's then down to phone or no phone if I say we're moving and moving to an
area they might not cover for Internet. They'd also disconnect the phone,
and the other phone company is, by far, more expensive for what I need,
unless I could come up with something like I'm moving to this area, I am
leaving the phone as I'm allowing a friend to rent here after I move and
they have their own ISP? Hm... Maybe that doesn't make sense...

For the cell phone, again, locked into a contract. To cancel the
I would have to pay whatever is equal to $20 per month per phone for
whatever is left of my contract - that's $40 a month (for 2 phones) for
however much time is left in my contract. I pay only about $50 a month
both of the phones anyways, so cancelling, would that make any sense at

Same as above - find out their coverage area. Tell them you're moving to
an area they don't currently cover. If they ask for an address, you
don't have one yet as you've only just obtained the job and will be in a
hotel for a short time while apartment hunting. Tell them to send the
final bill to your mother and it will be paid. You can work that "paid"
part out later.

Ah theys *seem* to cover EVERYWHERE... Even in Las Vegas, I had coverage.
No coverage on the airplane, though LOL
Unless I'm moving out of the country or something... If calling and saying
I'm moving to something like, I don't know, England, is that very
far-fetched and obnoxious? I might then still be responsible to live out my
contract (pay them lots to back out of the contract early) or be expected to
find someone to take over the remaining contract...
I think I will call and see. A friend's girlfriend said a little while back
that if you call a company and say you still want their service but want a
cheaper rate, they'll suggest knocking off features - no voice mail, no free
evening/weekend minutes, etc., and if you say something like you use the
phone for business and require these features or options, they have ways to
knock your bill down even more without losing any features. Not sure how
true this is (this woman is fairly obnoxious and childish at times) but...
Maybe that's one thing I will ask about.

The cable TV (we currently have the digital cable package, which is $1
a month than full cable, and I guess you get all these extra channels.) I
calling the cable company just before the end of the billing period to
downgrade the cable to basic cable only, which is fairly cheap. I
to just cut the cable completely, as there's a few kids' channels on basic
cable that B watches, and the TV is something that I limit and use more as

I limit the driving to only when it's necessary. Doctor's appointments,
one, are a necessary car ride. Groceries are a necessary car ride. If I
need to run errands, I try and do it all in one day, and yes, I do plan my
route out to avoid wasting time, gas and effort by running back and forth,
here and there. We also walk to a lot of places if possible, and I try
use the bike and trailer, but with 2 kids in the trailer, I do have a hard
time on the bike. Heck, we'd all go together along the river valley
and N would take the kids in the trailer behind his bike, and I had enough
trouble keeping up to him with no trailer or kids to pull!

I've also cut down my consumption of garbage. I decided to cut my Pepsi
addiction - I treat myself *maybe* once a week to a small bottle, which is
huge blow from my 1-2 bottles a day. Also, extras like going out to eat
(even McDonald's drive-thru) and ordering in have been cut down to once a
month if there's the extra cash. I tend to just pick B up a Happy Meal
have some soup or sandwiches at home for myself on the occasion of eating
out. I felt a bit guilty the other day when I picked up some balls of
though... I had crocheted (sp?) a baby blanket for A, about the size of a
crib blanket. I wanted to make this blanket to wrap up for a Christmas
present, and I want to do a second baby blanket the same as the one I just
finished for this baby to have a matching (different color, though) baby
blanket. I picked up a big, huge ball to make a blanket for B's Christmas
present, and I kind of felt guilty, even though I had spent not that much
money, and I justified it as it gave me something to do with my time. I
still felt kinda bad doing it but did it anyways...

Should I be feeling this way? Should I not be doing things like getting
yarn for crafts for me on occasion? Should I be eating the soup instead
pigging out on the chicken and spaghetti? Am I doing everything wrong?
ideas or tips for these kinds of situations? My mom has said Wednesday is
good for her, and I know she'll give me an ear full, and then some... I
know anything she says will probably be true and right, but I kind of want
to try and get some hints or advice, if possible, to be a bit prepared,
maybe have some sort of plan to go in with when she goes through all this
mess with me on Wednesday...

1) if you don't eat well, then your unborn child will suffer the loss.
Your body will take the nutrients.

I know. Just what I don't need is to be a lump laying in a bed or on bed
rest because of being unhealthy... Or end up with something like a C-section
real early because of problems and having to deal with the kids plus trying
to manage a hospital with an extreme preemie baby or something... Oh, yea,
as nice as it sounds, bed rest is out lol

2) you need help from the ex, your family, and social services. You need
to contact churches to see who can help.

The ex is out. I'll let that part go with the flow and let family
maintenance do what they do better than I could ever do. I'm not going to
try and beg and negotiate with him anymore. I do know that all he wants and
needs is his time. TBH, I know that with time, it won't be this big
headache. That's the future, which I am not going to look into (that area,
anyways) as it's the present I want to deal with now. Not what can, may,
possibly, perhaps happen down the road in a month, 6 months, a year, 10
years, whatever.
I asked my mom. She definitely has the best for resources like this that I
more than likely need. Family also seems more willing and able to help now
than they were a few months ago. I also am in contact with SS. I get the
feeling that the worker I have is newer and isn't as familiar with
everything available. Or maybe she's just lazy. I did ask about extras -
clothing, food, money from any other source. She said that in September,
she can and will issue me extra money - a baby allowance thing that is a one
time thing. I think she said it's an extra $250 for baby needs. I also
asked about clothing for me, as obviously what I was wearing last year does
not fit, and she hasn't gotten back to me yet. Also asked about clothing
allowances for school for B. Again, no word yet, I will call her tomorrow

Time to beg, borrow, and beg.

Sorry hon... that's the best I have.


No, and that's fine. It's far better than what I currently have to go with!