Life changes due to pregnancy (emotional, past loss ment)
I could have written your post Donna. I finished work a couple of weeks ago,
decided to call it quits at 32 weeks and take it easy since we lost our son
for unknown reasons at 29 weeks.
I thought I'd feel so much better away from the stresses of work, but I feel
lost. I think a job, and in my case it is just a job rather than a career,
helps to define who we are, and I feel at least until this baby comes home
and I have my new role of active mothering, that I'll be stuck in limbo.
Everyday I feel terrified that she won't make it home alive, but also
terrified that she will and that after all we've been through I'll have no
idea how to parent a living child. I said to DH just the other day that I
was scared that we hadn't made the right decision in deciding to have
another child, which sounds such an awful thing to say this late in pg. I
could see he has similar fears but didn't want to voice them for fear he
would 'jinx' us. Do you think society expects us to be perfect parents after
what we've been through? Sometimes I feel because it's what we've wanted so
badly and worked so hard for, we're expected to do it all (pg & parenting)
flawlessly and without complaint.
You _will_ find it easier as time goes on to make the preparations and nest,
but like me you may find you leave it quite late, or at least until you're
past 22 weeks. I felt similarly at around 8 weeks, but it's really hard for
even the most paranoid, terrified mother to live in a bubble for nine
months. I think you'll find there are a lot of ups and downs, and along the
way even a few moments of normalcy - savour them :-)
"Donna Metler" wrote in message
The last day of school was yesterday-and I'm hitting major depression.
wanted this baby for a long time, and I've known since Brian was born that
when I next got pregnant, I would be leaving teaching pretty soon after
pregnancy was confirmed, rather than waiting until the baby was born. But
this morning, when I woke up and realized that until December, when
"Cuddles" decides to make his/her appearance (and I certainly hope he/she
WAITS until December!) I literally have NOTHING to do. For the last 10
years, my life has either been teaching, or preparing to teach over
Because of the pregnancy, the only dates on my calendar for this summer
(except for my birthday-which is an issue in itself, since I'm definitely
aware that I'm hoping to be bringing home a first baby after just about
everyone I know has decided they're done having them) are doctor's
appointments, phone calls to the midwife, and perinatologist appointments.
No travel, no graduate classes, nothing.
Even for the last month, the only thing I've really heard from anyone is
questions about the pregnancy. Most of the people I'm friends with locally
are other teachers-and while I may have more in common with some after the
baby comes, again, everyone I know either has quite a bit older children,
is single and not really planning to have any. A lot of people don't
completely approve of my being pregnant again regardless. I've also got
friends in support groups, but I can hardly complain to women who have
struggling to get pregnant or who have gone through repeated losses that
upset about not being able to work while pregnant, can I??
I don't want to do too much with the nursery and getting things ready-and
have told everyone no showers or baby-related gifts until at least
1st, because I'm so aware that for me pregnancy does not always equal a
baby. I started cleaning out the closet in the middle bedroom (which has
my teaching and craft stuff stored in it, but will be needed for the
nursery), and just couldn't do it. I've always planned to be a SAH mom
I had a baby-and I suspect that if I was leaving work at 8 1/2 months
pregnant, things would be different. But right now, I'm 8 weeks and this
baby isn't even due until after 1st semester of next year ends. And right
now, I feel good and the pregnancy is going beautifully. But, I know that
I work (or even if I do too much at home) and if anything goes wrong, I'll
blame myself for it.
Is it normal to feel this upset about life changes? And to be wondering
right now if maybe I would have been better off adopting another kitten
instead of trying so hard to get pregnant again??
Donna DeVore Metler
Orff Music, band, and choir, Lester Focused Literacy School
Mother to Angel Brian Anthony Metler, 1/1/02, (22 weeks, severe PE/HELLP
And "Cuddles"-EDD 12/29/04