"Jamie Clark" wrote in message
...

"lu-lu" wrote in message
...
I posted before about the fact I was finding this pregnancy emotionally
difficult to deal with, and last night I think I addressed some of my
issues
with DH, but he doesn't really deal with emotional stuff too well, and I
didn't really get to have a chat with him, so I thought I'd air my poor
brains here if that's ok.

My first worry might sound silly, but I'm worried about having a boy. For
more than 2 years, I've been a mother to a little girl, and I've got used
to
that. I know what I'm doing with her, and being a girl myself, I have a
better understanding. It's not that I don't want a boy, but having a boy
is
a definite issue with me at the moment. I really wanted a boy last time,
and
I always wanted Jessie to have a brother as I love having brothers, but
now
I'm worried about it. I worry that they'll have nothing in common, or
that I
won't know how to respsond to his needs ect.

I think others have already made good comments about this issue. I think
it's entirely normal to wonder if you'll be able to parent a child of the
opposite sex from what you already have. If your first child had been a
boy, and this one a girl, you'd be having the same issues/worries. You
will figure it out with this boy, the same way that you figured it out
with your girl -- one day at a time.

My next worry is labour. I had a fabulous labour with Jessica. For the
most
part it ws silent, and so I was able to enjoy the experience without pain
relief, and by the time it did get painful, it was nearly over, and I
still
enjoyed it. I liked that I was induced (although I *hated when I went
overdue lol!) as I was in hospial when labour started and it was all nice
and calm. This time I'm terrified of going into labour naturally. I don't
know how I'd know the difference between severe BHs and real
contractions. I
worry about not getting Jessie to the babysitters, or myself to the
hospital. I worry that I won't be able to get hold of DH in time, or that
I'd be at work. I also worry that my wonderful experience of labour with
Jessica will be spoilt by a painful/difficult labour this time.

Your wonderful experience of labor with Jessica is what it is. A
wonderful experience. Any future labors you have will be their own
experiences, good, bad or indifferent. None of that will change what you
experienced with Jessica. Yes, you do have additional things to worry and
fret about this time with the planning and logistics of having a small
child when you go into labor, that you didn't have the first time, but
make plans, make contingency plans, and then a back up plan. You can't
plan for everything, but you can at least make sure that you've got
options, so that you won't feel totally out of control, in terms of what
to do with Jessica when you go into labor.

I've moved house since I had Jessica and I have different midwives &
health
visitors. I've not even seen a Health Visitor for more than a couple of
minutes, and that was when I registered. She made it clear that they
don't
really bother with babies over 12 months here. Before, I could attend a
Tuesday clinic whenever I wanted a bit of advice, or just to weigh her.
The
midwifery service is the same. I have my first appointment today for more
than 12 weeks. And I don't have a named midwife, just whichever one
happens
to be around at the time.... Before, when I had a named midwife, I felt
able
to express my cocerns etc and confide in her, and was pleased when she
did
the first home visits after the birth... This time I feel a bit
abandoned..
Also, with your second child here, rather than seeing the HV, apparently
you
just get put on the community nurses's list.

I don't really have any comments about these issues, as we aren't really
set up the same way here in the US. Hopefully one of the other UK people
will be able to offer you some advice or insight.

I think you can demand to see a HV. A HV is only a trained nurse anyway.
Certainly a lot of them are out of date and set in their ways (aaah this
child is below the 50% centile-PANIC UNDERWEIGHT but this child is above 50%
centile-PANIC OBESE...) (I love my present one, she's the most sensible I've
ever come across) :-)
Do you mean for the signing off appointment you don't get a HV? Cause round
here you take them to be weighed at the clinic which is done by the HV any
age up to school age (and beyond if you're wanting). I've never been
questioned when I've asked for any of them to be checked at up to 7yo. (last
birthday) I think at school age they go under the school nurse officially.
If your HV refuses to see you at the clinic, I think you can complain. I'll
check that one if you like.
Debbie

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