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Old August 31st 06, 06:08 AM posted to
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Posts: 196
Default Feeling Guilty...

xkatx wrote:
About a few things...
Is it normal or alright to feel guilty over something, for example, like
I know, obviously, I need to eat as well as everyone else, but I find that I
don't drink milk because the kids need it, as much, if not more, than I do.
Might not be true, but that's how I feel.
I also find that I make enough for supper for all of us to eat whatever, but
I find I eat less to save that food for leftovers the next day (or in a
couple days) and I snack on other small things - like I'll make rice and
chicken for the kids, let them eat what they eat and I'll eat enough to tie
me over and then I'll make a bowl of vegetable soup to save enough chicken
for the kids the next day for them to have a more proper, balanced meal and

Kat is there a program where you live called WIC ? (Women Infants and
In Pa there is this program which my daughter/we have used to help
supply formula ,baby foods ,milk, cereal ,juice ,eggs cheese and
peanut butter .

you can look into that for you and the children.

I try and limit my shopping outings... I try and do shopping in one shot for
groceries. I also find that I look for sales, there's very few items I will
pay extra for the real thing (Heinz ketchup and Miracle Whip are 2 things I
can think of off the top of my head that I would rather go without than buy
the cheap stuff)

looking for sales would be a given no matter what your situation is
Maybe you should go without the ketchup and mayo then ....Ya know I and
many others have been where you are at times and even over the past 5-6
years I had found myself and younger daughter homeless after Gayle
died. We lost everything and I mean everything kiddo. We learned
quickly to be grateful for the "Cheap stuff"

and I find I buy meat on sale and toss it in the freezer
rather than cooking up fresh whatever every day. I still find it hard,

There is nothing wrong with sale meat that is frozen , just remember to
cook it the day you defrost it.

I also sat down earlier to take a look at the bills... ALL are overdue, and
yea, I know I have no one to blame but myself over it. I did call my mom
and asked her if she'd be able to come over, or me go over to her house, to
sit down and go through the bills. By over due, I mean I have 1
disconnection notice and the rest of the bills are waaaay up there - like if
I put it off any longer, they will send disconnection notices for the other

Does anyone have any ideas for bills and how to manage them?

Others have offered you the same advice I would on this. We fell behind
on our electric last year and I called the elec co and we worked out an
arrangement like the one I saw someone suggest to you here.We pay the
current and a small amount (we pay 15.00) on the past due amount each
month , thius will secure your elec. Try and do the same with the

I went through them, but I did give up. It kind of made me upset to sit and
go through them and think about them.
The bills I have to pay a Rent, power, phone, Internet, cable, cell
phone, car insurance.
My rent I can't bother trying to change, nor can I bargain with the
insurance company. I have basic PLPD on the car anyways, just enough to
make it legal on the road. I also do need the home phone, and it's
currently as a basic line, no long distance or anything. I do have call
display, which I'm debating on getting rid of or not. That's the one and
only 'extra' I see I have. The power also needs to be as it is.
Before someone jumps on me about the others... (Internet, cable, cell
I'm currently locked into a 2 year contract with the Internet. That started
this past December around Christmas, so I'm stuck with the Internet contract
until about December of '07. I was thinking, however, about calling the ISP
and seeing if there is any possible way that I can still live out my
contract for less money (IE, downgrade from the high speed ADSL to a lower
grade ADSL or even possibly dial up - which I both assume are cheaper per
month.) To cut the Internet would mean I would have a $250 charge on my
account, and because the Internet and phone are the same company, same bill,
I really can't do that because they'll cut my phone line if I don't pay
that. To me, a smaller amount each month is easier to manage than a huge
lump sum to pay off or be disconnected.
For the cell phone, again, locked into a contract. To cancel the contract,
I would have to pay whatever is equal to $20 per month per phone for
whatever is left of my contract - that's $40 a month (for 2 phones) for
however much time is left in my contract. I pay only about $50 a month for
both of the phones anyways, so cancelling, would that make any sense at all?
The cable TV (we currently have the digital cable package, which is $1 more
a month than full cable, and I guess you get all these extra channels.) I am
calling the cable company just before the end of the billing period to
downgrade the cable to basic cable only, which is fairly cheap. I hesitate
to just cut the cable completely, as there's a few kids' channels on basic
cable that B watches, and the TV is something that I limit and use more as a

ugh......My granddaughter did not suffer any at all when we shut off
our cable to allow us to catch up with the bill. We played DVDand VCR
tapes of disney flicks for TV time. When my unemployment ran dry we
knew we had to make adjustments and this is one of the things we did to
aviod having items shut off on us we took the bull by the horns and
called and shut them off, whatever it was that was not a necessity.

Do not look at this as a pemanent problem it is not , right now you
have to sacrifice to survive. Once you have the baby and can work out
child care and get a job things will still be tough but you will be in
charge and in control of where and how you spend the money and slowly
with discipline you will make it. You NEED the bare necessities right
now, a roof over your heads ,food , elec. water. Focus on this. The
contracts will have to wait. At least if you are able to pay on the
contract early termination once it is paid off you will not have that
unecessary debt every month taking away from the basic needs .If you
cant pay them right now OH WELL! The sooner you cancel this stuff the
sooner the overdue amount will stop building higher and higher. Yes it
makes a world of sense to cancel the things that are not needed to
survive ASAP!

I limit the driving to only when it's necessary. Doctor's appointments, for
one, are a necessary car ride. Groceries are a necessary car ride. If I
need to run errands, I try and do it all in one day, and yes, I do plan my
route out to avoid wasting time, gas and effort by running back and forth,
here and there. We also walk to a lot of places if possible, and I try and
use the bike and trailer, but with 2 kids in the trailer, I do have a hard
time on the bike. Heck, we'd all go together along the river valley trails
and N would take the kids in the trailer behind his bike, and I had enough
trouble keeping up to him with no trailer or kids to pull!

Yes I agree except for the trailer ! Girl how pregnant are you ? NO
trailer pulling O.K. ?!?!?!?!?!

I've also cut down my consumption of garbage. I decided to cut my Pepsi
addiction - I treat myself *maybe* once a week to a small bottle, which is a
huge blow from my 1-2 bottles a day.

Ummmm....O.K. Now you make me mad like my daughter made me mad!
Your baby does not thrive very well on Junk. Soda is Junk indeed , you
should be drinking juices and milk and water. I really hope there is a
program out there that can help you eat right for both yourand your
unborn babies heatlh.

Also, extras like going out to eat
(even McDonald's drive-thru) and ordering in have been cut down to once a
month if there's the extra cash. I tend to just pick B up a Happy Meal and
have some soup or sandwiches at home for myself on the occasion of eating
out. I felt a bit guilty the other day when I picked up some balls of yarn,
though... I had crocheted (sp?) a baby blanket for A, about the size of a
crib blanket. I wanted to make this blanket to wrap up for a Christmas
present, and I want to do a second baby blanket the same as the one I just
finished for this baby to have a matching (different color, though) baby
blanket. I picked up a big, huge ball to make a blanket for B's Christmas
present, and I kind of felt guilty, even though I had spent not that much
money, and I justified it as it gave me something to do with my time. I
still felt kinda bad doing it but did it anyways...

If you cant afford to feed yourself or children you do not spend money
on yarn period. You feel guilty dont do it your intuition is usually
right .

Should I be feeling this way? Should I not be doing things like getting
yarn for crafts for me on occasion? Should I be eating the soup instead of
pigging out on the chicken and spaghetti? Am I doing everything wrong? Any
ideas or tips for these kinds of situations?

I think you really know the answers to these Kat..........You need to
watch the sodium intake ...soups are loaded with sodium need to
eat healthy .

My mom has said Wednesday is
good for her, and I know she'll give me an ear full, and then some... I also
know anything she says will probably be true and right, but I kind of want
to try and get some hints or advice, if possible, to be a bit prepared,
maybe have some sort of plan to go in with when she goes through all this
mess with me on Wednesday...

Kat people make mistakes you made a mistake trusting Norm. If you can
and I think from what I have read before about your relationship with
your parents you can, then ask for help from them ,buckle down ,respect
what they do for you and do not make them regret helping you. I realise
I am a little late in my response and I hope things are working out.
What decisions have you made about all this so far?