Daniel daniel_h_wATyyahooDOTccom wrote in message
...
Here is an update on what has happened so far. I finally got the chance
to
talk to her last night (she keeps putting that kind of stuff off & I think
it ended with more of a "to be continued" than anything else). She said
that she's noticed a change in me since I've got with my girlfriend,
though
she admitted that what she was seeing wasn't a bad change. She talked
though as if she wasn't talking but someone else was talking through her &
she was giving the thoughts they put into her head. She tried to argue
that
I don't spend as much time at the computer any more. I explained to her
that the main reason I did before is because I didn't have much else to do
(wont go into the details of it on this post...but basically my whole
life,
mainly growing up, I've been forced into having to put all my time &
attention into something because there wasn't anything/anyone else worth
being around until more recently with her...& even then it was durring any
time I wasn't with her). She also said that she thinks my girlfriend has
changed the way I dress. This because since I've met her, I've found 2
shirts that have dragon pictures on them, rather than the usual plain
solid
or stripped that I'd normally wear. I explained to her that she didn't
get
them for me but simply showed me that they were at the store we happened
to
be in at the time (& she recognized that I might like them based on many
of
the video games that I've played). My sister did agree on this after I
explained it to her (& 2 shirts isn't hardly changing someone's look).
She
also tried to argue also that I'm neglecting my responsibilities (but
couldn't give any example...& then finally agreed in more of a
confused/"why
did I say that"/"what did I even mean by that" that this wasn't true. She
asked that I remind her to do the dishes or other chores & not yell at her
for not doing them...but then immediately recognized that not only have I
not yelled at her for not doing her chores (I simply don't give her as
much
allowance for it...she gets allowance based on a percentage of how much
she
does vs. how much I do..& I let her do as much as she wants so she could
get
double the amount, & she agrees that allowance is payment for work done,
not
a gift, & doesnt have a problem with the way I do it), but I also have
reminded her many times & she still didn't get them done (remind her to do
something mid day Saturday, she's home all day & reminded her sunday too,
then didnt do it Monday & finally did a last minute half-assed job Tuesday
morning before leaving). She then brought up the fact that we've not
spent
much time together lately, however she agreed that I've given her the
chance
& she's chosen to be gone until late in the evenings & then hide in her
room
the rest of the night, & where I've had to plan activities for her in
order
to get her to be with me. She also did recognize that I didn't like
coming
home after my recent trip & after not having seen her for 8 days (which is
the longest time she's not seen me in about 1.5 yrs), her first thing she
asked (I called her, she was at a friend's house about a 10 minute walk
away) was if she could go over to her boyfriend's house for a few hrs
(BEFORE seeing me...since he was more important). Her excuse was that she
was upset that I at first (before knowing the full travel information)
said
I'd be home about 7-8PM, but then got home a few hrs before that (&
understood this wasn't a valid arguement since she had a copy of all the
flight information & could have met me at the airport had she wanted
to...she even knew exactly when each plain would take off & land...even
the
ones that didnt concern her...an exact copy of all the info that I had/I
just printed 2 of them). Another thing she tried to say was that she
heard
that I've talked to her social worker & told them of her sneaking around &
about her 19yr old boyfriend & that I didn't want her any more. I finally
got her to admit where she'd heard that...it was from our friend (who I'd
known for 5.5 yrs & who has done allot for me & I've done allot for her).
I
explained that this wasn't true because she knows she doesnt even have a
social worker, & when I offered to prove it to her by showing her the
phone
bill (which logs date/time/phone# of incoming & outgoing calls), she
declined to see the proof that I was telling the trueth & agreed with me
that I'd not been trying to get her in trouble or get rid of her. But
this
brings up a further problem. This friend (according to their chat logs)
has
apparently for the past few months been telling me one thing & telling my
sister another. She's been supporting me on not liking what has been
going
on with this guy but then turns around & helps my sister with it & lets
her
know how much I know about things (I never told her I've been reading the
logs of my sister & her boyfriend...& only recently read the full log for
my
sister & her). She even offered & agreed to cover for my sister this past
week, to have my sister stay with her through the week but actually to let
her spend the night with her boyfriend (19yr old) (she is not only
supportive of an innappropriate relationship with someone who has been
causing my sister some problems, but is willing to lie to me & cover
things
up for her...this after all that we've done for each other too in the past
5.5 yrs.) So now I've got another problem that has been found too (for
those who don't approve of chat logging & spying in that sense...this is
why
I did it...now I know who to watch out for as well.) My girlfriend & I
have
thought of the possibility of jelousy that she's no longer the only
important person in my life (she did somewhat finish raising me & has
tought
me allot). Though my girlfriend's sister has suggested the possibility of
jelousy in that I'm not HER boyfriend. We've both disagreed on this due
to
the facts that she's had over 5yrs to have decided to go that direction
with
me had she wanted to, has had more than enough time to have done that
(based
on the timings & amount of time spent together, plus me living with her
this
past summer), & had not shown any interest in anything more than a big
sister type of relationship with me (the reason I'd never thought of that
possibility myself). My sister acted throughout the conversation as if
she
was quoting/reading a script when making her various claims about what has
supposedly been different lately (I say this seeing how easy it was to
explain the reasoning to her or correct her on her thoughts & how she
appeared more as if she was looking for proof that those thoughts/ideas
weren't right). There will probably be more to talk to her about later
(as
she was somewhat preocupied at the time...but if I try to sit her down
with
nothing to distract her she ends the conversation very quickly, needing to
go do something else & wont talk...so thats why I didnt mind her doing
other
things at the time). I'll post an update later on that & any
feedback/questions too.

(for those who think I'm making excuses of why I'm not trying certain
things
& that I'm not really looking for input...if I weren't then why would I be
taking the time to post/follow up here? For those others who have made
suggestions & comments that have been good ideas & useful, thank you for
your time & please continue to contribute.)

--

--


Good of you to have that talk and hope you had a good trip. Since you didn't
post anything to the contrary, I am glad to see that your sister didn't get
into any trouble while you were gone.

She is talking about your girlfriend changing your clothes, you are not on
the Pc as much..... how is this relevant to HER behavior anyways? It just
seemed as though your chat was of 2 adults, when in reality, it is one adult
in charge and a child.

As for the 'friend'..... you never really know someone and may never know
her reasons for what she did. Kick her out of your life and be done with it.
Your energies are needed elsewhere.

Have you given any thought to having her sister speak with a professional?

T