Dawn wrote:
Scott L wrote:
Rosalie B. wrote:
I think you are asking a lot to have him do it himself. This is just
a first thought but...

Agreed. To stand up to a peer is hard.

Absolutely -- but don't we need to coach our kids to some extent to
help them learn these skills so that they can stand up later, when the
stakes are higher and we're not nearby? I guess that's what I'm
looking for, too. In addition to the excellent practical idea of having
him signal that he needs us to intervene, how can we start helping him
learn how to be a little more assertive with his own values?

We're still a few years behind you so I may be totally off-base, but
IMHO, by stepping in to enforce the rules, you *are* helping him to
learn to be more assertive with his own values in two ways. First,
you're demonstrating for him how it is done. Second, and perhaps more
importantly, he'll learn that stopping the behavior didn't result in
him losing friends, being teased, etc. -- making him more comfortable
with the whole process.

Beyond that, there are always situations in which people *need* help.
You wouldn't want him to go it alone in breaking up a physical
altercation. You wouldn't want him to try to deal with severe bullying
without adult help. Same for a friend who was trying to get behind the
wheel of a car drunk. For your son, this may simply be one of those
situations where he needs adult assistance. Helping him to recognize
those situations, and ensuring he knows that even if you're not in the
next room, you are available to him, is just as important as helping
him to deal with other things on his own.

Barbara