In article ,
illecebra wrote:

It really kind of scares me that you are worried about what someone
might say to your *college-age* "child". If they can't make their own,
adult decisions by that age, how are they going to survive???

Why should the primary concern for living conditions be what the parents
are comfortable with. Hello! They aren't kids any more at that age,
they are (or should be) adults. If my son hasn't matured enough by age
17 or 18 to decide whether to live in a dorm or a normal rental
property, I will have failed as a parent.

IME, most college students gain that type of maturity during college,
but not before, due to lack of real "living on one's own" experience.

And, as much as I hope my son is making the "right" decisions for himself
by 17, I don't plan to stop guiding him toward the decisions that I
feel will keep him safe.

Children mature at different rates, and just as they are ready to read,
or to ride a bike, or to stay overnight at a friend's house, etc. at
different ages, so too are they ready to "make adult decisions" at
different ages, in many case *not* before they start college. Many
young adults at that stage still need guidance from their parents, dorm
advisors, etc.

Some of my boys will probably be making excellent decisions at that
age, but I suspect at least one may still need a lot of guidance. I
wouldn't consider this a failure as a parent any more than I'd consider
another parent a failure if their child didn't read by age 5, for
example. I'd consider it a parenting failure if I knew my child was
not ready to make good decisions when he started college, but left him
to sink or swim on his own, just because others think a child "should"
be ready to make all his decisions on his own at that age.


I'm sure if my kids attend colleges that don't require dorm living for
freshmen, they will be aware of that. I'm not trying to hide facts
from them. But I read your comment as a "challenge" to these kids to
assert their independence and forge out on their own, ready or not,
which I considered to be inappropriate.

--Robyn