Jenrose wrote:

Because I don't want to argue common sense against hospital policies, not
ever again. And especially not when I'm in labor.

I'm really convinced that while this may be a lot to ask, it really SHOULD
NOT be too much to ask.

I certainly agree, and it's a shame that it's so
hard to find. I feel that I've been very lucky. I probably
have a somewhat higher tolerance than you do, in that I
don't particularly mind some of the things like measurments
and such as long as I still have some control over what
gets done with the resulting information. The first two
times for me were really perfect, in my estimation. The
prenatal care was unobjectionable to me (BP, fundal height,
urine check for protein/glucose, fetal heart rate with
fetoscope in the 2nd half). When my BP started getting
higher, they worked with me to try to determine whether
anything was problematic and didn't get all wiggy about
it. The only tests I had done were the initial OB panel
and then later some bloodwork to rule out pre-eclampsia.
For other tests, they gave me some information and I
decided whether I wanted it or not--no harm, no foul either
way.

During labor, they pretty much did whatever I wanted.
In the beginning, they provided a lot of support. In the
middle, they stayed away (only coming in about once an
hour to check on me briefly, which they did by candlelight
because I didn't like having a light on). Towards the
end they were more hands on again. Any internal exams
were done at my request. With my second birth, there
wasn't time to do much of anything ;-) The only thing
I didn't like that time was that there was one internal
exam I would have dispensed with. I was seriously pushy,
but I was not fully dilated, and the midwife wanted to
be sure that the cervix was at least getting out of the
way while I pushed (she sensibly knew that she wasn't
going to have any luck telling me not to push ;-) That
exam annoyed me, but when I said to stop she did, and
she later apologized and said that she just should dropped
the whole issue. But, things were going so fast and
furious that we were both just barely hanging in there
and doing the best we could.

I was *very* nervous with #3, because I had to go
with CNMs instead of DEMs, and I had to go with a group
practice. I'm in a very conservative state. I knew I
was at much higher risk of not having things go my way.
I did have to fight more during pregnancy. They wanted
to do more crap early on (why do a pelvic exam on a
woman who's easily birthed a 9lb 6oz baby?), some of
which I refused and some of which I acquiesced to, depending
on how objectionable I found them. They got more
wiggy about my iron levels (but I just barely stayed
above their transfer criteria). They argued hard for
glucose testing, but ultimately respected my choice
to decline. I didn't get any grief for declining any
other tests. I did reluctantly give in on prenatal
anti-D because the only tradeoff they were willing
to make was monthly antibody checks in the third trimester.
I didn't think that was reasonable, but it was the only
thing they were unreasonable about, and it basically
boiled down to I had gotten them to the point where
they felt they could have problems with their backup.
(As long as midwifery isn't a truly independent profession,
this sort of crap will happen.) Towards the end, there
was a lot of bustle over the baby being breech, but I
think that was handled about as well as they could given
the restrictions they practice under, and they did get me
to someone experienced with versions and willing to work
with me (no IV, no tocolytics, no epidural, no induction).

I was nervous about labor (well, not about labor, but
about interventions and such), and there were one or two
midwives in the practice I would not have been thrilled
to get. However, I truly believe in the body's ability
to time labor appropriately, so it was no surprise to me
when I went into labor while my favorite midwife was
on call. She was amazing. Even with a birth assistant
*and* the student midwife there in addition to the
primary midwife (not to mention family and friends
hanging around), no one messed with me. The midwife
spent most of her time squatting in a corner of the
room just keeping an eye on me ;-) During the actual
birth, someone provided some perineal support and
warm compresses (I had told them previously that I
liked that). As usual, I had an early urge to push, and
there was one half-hearted suggestion that perhaps
I might not want to push *too* hard, but again, I had
told them previously that I was going to push when I
felt like it regardless of whether I was fully dilated,
so they didn't even bother to argue. I did feel that
the birth assistant monitored the heartbeat too often,
but she was trying hard to be unobtrusive and she went
away if I glared at her ;-) Anyway, the bottom line is
that things went very, very well and there were only
(for me) very minor annoyances.

All in all, I feel that my births were not
necessarily perfect in every detail (there were small
things that could have been different each time);
however, I felt that they were pretty much perfect
in toto. I don't really believe in perfection. I
think *something's* going to be a bit wonky no matter
what you do, even if you do it all yourself ;-) I
did get through three labors never having anyone
tell me to push or how to do it--which was a darned
good thing, as otherwise there would likely be people
missing body parts ;-)

Anyway, I'm not sure I have much of a point
except to say that I was blessed with some very special
midwives who *were* willing and able to turn the process
over to me for the most part, and I think that made all
the difference. I did feel respected throughout, and
I think that is what we all look for and deserve, even
if we ultimately make different choices about specific
things.

I do think that there are structural issues in
the professions of obstetrics and midwifery in the US
that will continue the medicalization of midwifery, and
sadly, I don't see much to stop that juggernaut at this
time. I think things are going to get much worse, and
I am glad that I think I'm done with childbearing because
I think what I want will be increasingly difficult to
find. I find it very sad and maddening that there
aren't enough people willing to demand better care,
but as the old saying goes, you can lead a horse to
water but you can't make him drink. Too few women are
willing to drink or demand their right to drink, so it
will likely be lost.

Best wishes,
Ericka