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Old July 20th 03, 04:01 PM
Lisa aka Surfer
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Default help me keep my son from perpetuating the cycle of abuse (very long)


"Rolly The Pervert" wrote in message
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yeah, because when I have confidence others react to that. When I am
depressed I try to isolate myself so as not to be a burden onothers, but

my
poor son has always been around me through these mood swings and through

the
fall out of the trauma of the abuse I've taken from others and he must

have
felt so powerless to help me and of course I was not able to be there

for
him emotionally, that is a big part of why he is so angry at me I am

sure.
Also, my confidence level is a main factor of my manic-depression. When

I
am manic, I am very confident when I am depressed I feel worthless, no
matter what. The meds help a lot but only go so far.



You know what, this is the sanest thing i've ever read from you. This is

all
real stuff. Don't tolerate what your kid is doing because of this stuff,

but
accepting you played a part in causing it is a huge deal. Also, know where
he's comming from.

Think of when your at wits end with everything around you. imagine being
your son, unable to stop it. Think of how it hurts you to be rejected by
people you care about, then think of how he must have felt when you were

in
your harder moments.

My advice, let him cool off in foster care. Take some time for yourself,
sleep in a bit if your work situation permits it, try to eat a bit better
then normal for a while, try to go for a half hour walk everyday, call a
friend once a day, don't dump on them, ask them how they are, and listen,
and once a day, without telling anyone, do something for someone you don't
know. Throw some change at a bum, drop some old clothes off at a womans
shelter, volunteer somewhere, offeer a homeless guy a cigarette ( if you
smoke ) doensn't have to be anything huge, just don't tell anyone.

Then after al that, sit down with your son, have a frank discussion. Tell
him you know he's had it rough, tell him what you just said here about how
you know you affect him. Then tell him that despite all that, the two of

you
need to have a relationship together where you have some respect for each
other. It'll be hard at first, but i don't think your son is a bad kid,

just
a hurt one acting bad. I think you'll both find alot of forgiveness.

Good luck, I don't like you as a person, and It shouldn't matter who does
and who doesn't anyways. you do have a child, and the both of you deserve
each other.

When you start taking responsibility for the stuff you have a part in, you
won't feel the need to **** on yourself unfairly anymore Lorian. I replied
to this mostly cause it looks like your starting to do that.


Well done, Tom. You have a bigger heart than I, it was clear from the very
first reply from Betsy that she wasn't going to get the point. Yet you
still took the time. Man oh man you're doing well these days!!!!

Lisa