(Beth) wrote in message . com...
"Ali's Daddie" wrote in message ...
also posted in am

I am livid with my mother!

Some of you kind of know a little of the background with my mom.

For those who do not... Please don't think that I am being an ass. My mom is
a terrible person, and that is putting it nicely. But, I still think we
should have some kind of working relationship.

You're right. No matter what, she's still your mother and your
daughter's grandmother. Even if you never want to see her again, keep
in mind that grandparents can add a great deal to a child's life.
Even a grandparent who was a lousy parent.



I cannot say I agree with this. (I'll bet that you are a nice person
who generally gives people the benefit of the doubt...)

It is the "no matter what" part I particularly do not agree with.
There comes a time when the behavior of the luny grand-p is
detrimental enough to outweigh the benefits of a granparental
relationship. When that line is neared or crossed, I would not
hesitate to discontinue visitation.

But that is easy for me to say since I am no where near that position.
My Mom and my in-laws both have very strong Don't Butt In It's Their
Kid positions.


My mother and Step Dad are coming for a visit for Labor Day. They have not
met Alegra yet, so this will be their first time to see her in person.

My mother has decided that she is going to give my daughter a french fry or
some mac and cheese or something. I have tried being diplomatic with her.
"Please respect our wishes as fathers" and the like. But she insists. So
finally, I have been forced to take drastic measures. I have told her that
if she gives my daughter anything besides the formula that Jarrod and I use,
I will have her arrested.

This seems a rather drastic response and unlikely to occur. It's
really just an empty threat.

I know that is a little severe. But she simply will not back down.

I totally understand. My mother doesn't back down easily either. I
have discovered that the only way to deal with it is to decide in
advance what I will give in on and what I won't. I let the stuff I
give in on roll off my back and I'm as obstinant as she is on the
stuff I won't but I try to be as polite and sweet about it as
possible.

It sounds like you've made up your mind not to give in on the solids
issue, so just stick to your guns and be vigilent but polite.

Jarrod and I have already decided that our daughter will not be left in the
same room with my mom or step dad unless one of us is with them...

Probably the best solution. That way they can't sneak FF's in when
you're not there. If they try to arrange private time with your
daughter, I would be polite but unfront with them about why you won't
allow it. "I'm sorry mom, but we don't trust that you will respect our
wishes regarding feeding Allegra. Perhaps when she's older."

Good luck. Try to use the time to build bridges with your mother, not
burn them. You'll be glad later if you can manage that.

Beth