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"Sad Dad" wrote in message
...
i am a single dad with custody of my 11 year old daughter. i have had
custody since my ex left 4.5 years ago and signed over custody. my ex has
regular weekend visitation, 4 weeks in the summer and alternating major
holidays. she pays child support. the problem i am having is that my
daughter and i have been together for the past 4.5 years and i've
dedicated
my life to raising her, taking care of her and providing for her while my
ex
ran off to have her fun time. for the majority of that time, my daughter
has
gone to see her mom but hasn't had much to do with her. when her mom use
to
call once every couple of weeks, my daughter would tell me to tell her she
was in the shower or something and couldn't take the call. now my daughter
seems to want to call her mom 2 or 3 times a week. weekeds there she
spends
time with her mom doing all sorts of things but when she's having her
weekend with me she doesnt want to do anything with me at all anymore. we
use to go to movies all of the time. almost every weekend. i dont think
we've seen 3 in the past 8 months. she actually gets mad at me when i ask
her to go and do something with me, see a movie, walk on the beach looking
for shells like she use to love doing. it seems her relationship with her
mother has stregthened tremendously while her feelings for me have
lessoned
to almost nothing. she doesnt respect me at all anymore and her tone and
sassy comebacks have been heart piercing. i just dont know what to do.
should i force her to go and spend time with me? im afraid if i don't our
relationship will dwindle away to nothing. when i do tell her we're going
out to spend some time together, grab dinner, play minature golf or catch
a
movie, she gets so angry that she purposly turns into a grouch and cops an
attitude the whole evening just to ruin the night out of spite. if i let
her
have her way, she wouldn't have anything to do with me at all. should i
allow that to happen? its ripping my heart out that i seem to be losing
her
and i dont understand why. im happy her relationship has improved with her
mom but why must it at my expense? why is she under the impression that
she's only allowed to have a relationship with just one of us? her mom
really doesn't do a whole lot for her because she's too busy keeping tabs
with her rich boyfriend. my daughter says when she's there, her mom pays
most of her attention to her boyfriend. but it seems what few scraps of
attention my daughter can get from her mom overrules me dedicating my
entire
life to my daughter.

i just really dont know what to do. should i let my daughter go live with
her mom? she hasn't asked to and i've asked her and she claims she doesnt
want to but sometimes i really wonder if she just doesnt' have the courage
to tell me she really does. i honestly dont believe she wants to because
even my daughter deep down understands the situation her mom is in with
her
boyfriend. my ex is 32 and her rich boyfriend is almost 50. she's a trophy
and soon will be approaching common law marriage. i personally belive she
will be dumped and then the mony, nice condo, sailboat, horses and fancy
cars will be gone. her boyfriend has been married 4 times and understands
the headaches of marriage which is why he hasn't married her and i dont
believe he'll allow a common law marriage situation to take place.

im just really at a loss as to what to do. i dont want to lose my
relationship with my daughter but it seems to be slipping away. we hardly
spend any time together anymore other than the regular daily grind of
getting her up mornings, taking her to school, picking up from school,
homework, dinner and she retreats to her bedroom for the rest of the
evening. i want to spend time with her on my weekends with her but she's
only interested in her friends in the neighborhood and if i force her to
spend time with me instead of them, she gets infuriated with me.

she's only 11. am i supposed to lose her now? aren't i supposed to have at
least a few more years with her before i lose my child to adulthood and
her
own life?

i appreciate any comments or suggestions anyone might have. i dont really
have anyone good to talk to about this nearby and just can't afford
counceling.