Joelle wrote:
ome psychoes are either really good at faking normal or really do
care so much for me that they are dr. jekyll when they are with me
and mr. hyde to other people or have been mr. hyde at times in the
past and are trying

eally hard not to be when they are with me but after awhile the
undercurrent of danger comes to the surface but by then I'm
entangled.

SIgh. I know I'm just farting in the wind here, but honestly Lorian,
if once or twice you meet some guy who really did "change" after you
got to know him, well, once can happen to anyone, twice, it's time to
start thinking twice, but if this is happening to you often or "all
the time" you really do have to look at yourself. Most men are not
Dr. Jekyll/Mr. Hyde - and if the majority of the men you are
attracted to are, then you have to look at yourself and why you are
drawn to that sort of person. Or you may be expecting it of them and
you see it when it's not there.

Yea I know, I'm being oppressive and blaming the victim. I've really
sort of given up on you - but maybe someone else reading this who is
in the same pattern will think about it and look at what they can do
to change the pattern.


Joelle

You must not be paying attention to this thread or something and are taking
this post out of context. I already said that I have been abstinent for
seven years, I've said that many times and I'm getting sick of saying it. I
have also said repeatedly that I already recognize the pattern of abuse in
my life. I grew up being abused, I attracted abusers as an adult, my son
learned to become an abuser. I have also said that psychoes are drawn to
the combination of my fiery personality and my lovingness and I am drawn to
them because I know how to be with them and I don't feel guilty with them
because they are always even more screwed up than I am and at least I get
something resembling love out of it. But I am most definitely better off
alone while I am in therapy and while I am in school and while I am trying
to see my son through his last years to adulthood. So wherever you were at
when you gave up on me, go back and pick up where you left off and try
again.