Leah wrote:

FWIW, I think your husband's response was spot on.

Frankly, he said to her what I said to him...but being shy, didn't have the
guts to say directly.

If you absolutely feel
the need to say something directly to this girl's mom,

Chicken that I am, I let my husband speak for me; he's brasher than I am. I
have nothing to say to this woman. I wouldn't even recognize her if I ran into
her.

I think I'd go the
'It's a lovely thought, but I was planning on following a tradition that my
Mom started -- that when it's time for shopping for a girl's first "intimate
clothing", Mom took me shopping then treated me to special dinner out that
night, just the two of us. It was really special and I'm looking foward to
doing this with my daughter *when it's time* -- which it isn't yet. I'm
sure you understand.'

And if it's not true, it still could be if you choose to do this when it
*is* time.

Whether this is true or not, it conveys the message that shopping for a
first bra is something one's mother does for one's child -- not a stranger
based on *her* opinion that it's 'time' -- and that the parent(s) are the
ones to make that determination, not a stranger.

Maybe I'm old fashioned and sentimental, but to me, this sort of thing falls
under the category of 'rite of passage' and is not something strangers get
to make decisions about for *my* family.

I agree with you there. Bra shopping, whenever the "real" event might be, is
something I want to share with my daughter. I'm in a funny spot, though,
because my mom died when I was 13. I don't remember back far enough to recall
what the deal was with The First Bra, but my significant bra purchases were
done without the aid of my mother, but instead with my gram -- and frankly, it
was very awkward. I'm confused about how to handle these sorts of things. I
don't have a clear memory to rely on, and while I'm old fashioned and
sentimental myself, I really feel at sea with some of these things, without
having a mom or the experience of a mom to draw upon. I very much appreciate
having the "misc.kids.(moderated) community to lean on at times like these. I
feel a little lost.

Thanks so much for your comments. They basically echo the way I feel, myself.

beeswing