"denise" wrote in message
...
OK, so here's the story. (a bit long - sorry)

snip I'm so tired of pumping, I'm crying all the time trying to get her to
bf and nothing we do works. We've tried it all - nipple shields,
feeding her a bit at first to calm her down, finger feeding, massage,
letting her get really hungry, *6* lactations consultants, books,
magazines, internet sites for advice - you name it, we've tried it. I
don't want to give up but I'm at my wit's end. Has anyone been in
this place and what the hell do I do??? I can't pump like this
forever and my breasts are ready to fall off.

Have you tried this...

1. Switch to cup feeds (small cup feeder--something she can't suck on)
2. No pacifiers, no breast, no NOTHING to suck on for 24 hours. Including
your finger. She is NOT going to like this, but the point is to tap into her
NEED to suck.
3. Quit trying to latch her on for about 24 hours. If necessary, quit trying
to latch her on for about 2 days. It's an emotionally loaded battle right
now and you have to quit fighting for a few days to give her a chance to get
out of "defense" mode. It sounds to me like she's caught up in a pattern of
fighting feeds. The trick is to break the cycle and sometimes,
chinese-finger-trap-style, you have to quit fighting in order to get out of
the trap.
4. Feed her as often as she wants to eat, but only from a cup or
spoon--nothing she can suck on.
5. Encourage her to open her mouth wide--the "big o" game (you make a big
wide open mouth, she may imitate it), just as a game, separate from feeding.
If she starts making kissy faces like she desperately wants to suck on
something, bring her up near your breast and if she roots her way onto the
nipple, fine, but don't make a big deal about it if she does or doesn't.
6. When she's gone about 24 hours without any of her usual suckies (finger,
whatever), try this:

a) With your nipple or your finger (finger if she fights being at the
breast, nipple if she's okay being up to your breast), tickle her lip. If
she opens wide, she can suck. If she doesn't, don't force the issue and
don't let her nibble her way on. You're asking permission to put something
in her mouth and she's giving it or not.

b) Watch her. Whenever she opens her mouth wide, smile and say "yes! Open!"
Even if you're not trying to feed her. When she opens her mouth wide, tickle
her cheek and smile. If she starts opening her mouth wide and turning toward
your finger you're halfway there. Let her latch on to your finger or nipple
if she manages to do it herself, but don't push it.

c) Do not push anything into her mouth, period. That's the point of the cup
feeding (the cap that goes over a bottle nipple works well, btw...), to get
nutrition into her without forcing things into her mouth. If she reaches for
something or tries to latch, that's different. But it has to be from her.
Use a little milk syringe and drip it just between her lips if you have to,
but don't push anything larger than the very tip of that syringe into her
mouth.

After the first 24 hours of no-bottle/no-finger feed, I would recommend
getting in bed with her and staying topless. Keep her skin-to-skin as much
as possible. Don't get up except to pee--you'll need someone to help you out
with meals, diaper changes, washing the pump... I would keep her
skin-to-skin with you near your breasts for the next two days. Not "at the
breast", just within easy reach, skin-to-skin.

The underlying strategy here is this:

1. Stop the battle, break the negative "fight to feed, fight to latch, fight
to get mouth open" pattern.

2. Work on getting more positive associations with food, being skin-to-skin.
Do as much as possible to "unload" the emotional side of things.

3. Tap into her biological NEED to suck. Often, by both quitting the battle
and not offering "suckables" for a time, baby's need to suck will overwhelm
the "battle" pattern. Chances are the first few times you manage to get her
latched on will be when she's drowsy and maybe not particularly hungry, just
playing.

Several things stand out for me he

1. She has latched on successfully, both at birth and once recently. This
means she can, she just WON'T right now. It may well be that you have to go
for a week with no attempts at latch on and no finger feeds (cup instead) to
get to the point of her actually asking to suck on anything.

2. You've been doing an incredible job at being persistant and doing
everything within your power to make this work. Babies aren't "supposed" to
fight breastfeeding--it's really NOT your fault. The fact that you are still
pumping, still trying, still working very hard at making this work is great.

Now here's the other side. She might not latch on and nurse "as usual". It
just might not happen. So you may have a choice coming up of continuing to
pump or not continuing to pump. What would make pumping easier for you? What
makes it harder now? What kind of pump are you using?

Jenrose