On Dec 4, 6:35 pm, Beliavsky wrote:
On Dec 4, 6:24 pm, Barbara wrote:

snip

Sadly, we have no idea of the effect of most actions that we take with
our kids. Give your kid candy? Obesity epidemic. Don't let your kid
have candy? I was just talking to someone who described hoarding and
hiding food, resulting in lifetime food issues, because she wasn't
allowed candy as a kid. We all just have to try to do the best that
we can given our own circumstances.

Penelope, with your mom leaving, you're definitely going to need some
help with the kids. A good daycare program, if one is available, can
be an excellent option for you. Given that you have another one at
home, though, there are other options, such as a full time in home
sitter wtih the older child attending a shorter program out of the
home a couple of times a week. Whatever you decide, do your research
and remember to go with your gut -- if it seems like there's a
problem, act immediately. While we can argue the incremental
differences, the simple fact is that most kids who are in a loving
environment -- at home with a parent, with a sitter or in a care
situation -- thrive. OTOH, kids who are not in a loving and
supportive place -- with parents (& I could tell you stories that
would make your hair curl about parents!) or with others tend not to
thrive to the same degree.

Yes, and Stephanie explained very well how daycare often does *not*
provide a loving and supportive place for children.

No, she listed a couple of terrible things that have happened at bad
daycares. She didn't mention the millions of children who are well
cared for in day care centers throughout the world.

Mothers know and
love their children more than anyone else, and their "turnover" is
pretty low, thank goodness.

Andrea Yates (a SAHM) murdered all 5 of her kids. Marybeth Tinning
(also a SAHM AFAIK) apparently killed NINE of her own kids. Susan
Smith (a WOHM) killed two. But these are just a few sensational
cases. Statistics show that more than 600 children are murdered by
their own mothers each year. Now, if we present *that* as the only
information, it would suggest that no child should be left alone with
his or her mother. But, hey. Let's add in the kids killed by dad.
What about the kids sexually abused by dad or by mom's boyfriend. I
used to represent abused kids. I represented a 12 year old whose
mother had repeatedly raped her and pimped her out to men. A 6 year
old who was raped by mom's boyfriend; her 12 year old sister, also
raped. Another 12 year old beaten to a pulp by his dad (but not
sexually assaulted). It's not a pretty picture. In my own life, I
regularly see kids whose parents take them to the park and set them
loose with no supervision from the time they can walk. I've had
people simply assume that I'm going to care for their kids when they
go out, without even checking that I'll be home. A family that gave
their 6 year old permission to go to a carnival with me without even
meeting me first, or checking that it was OK with me (it wasn't, by
the way; the kid and his family simply assumed he could tag along with
my kid).


I did not tell the OP what to do, but I did mention an article
summarizing some research on daycare, which is one thing she asked
for.- Hide quoted text -

You carefully selected an article that said what you wanted it to
say. You deliberately ignored articles that set forth the advantages
of daycare.

For better or for worse, Penelope needs this job. Unless you intend
to start supporting her family, you've done nothing to help her.
You've just thrown out a parade of unlikely horribles designed to make
her feel bad.

Barbara