lu-lu wrote:

I just feel helpless. I'm to early on for one of those fetal heart monitors
that you can buy. It's too early to feel anything moving. It's not even like
I'm excited-impatient, I'm not. I'm scared that I'm going to get attatched
to a baby that doesn't feel like it's really there, and then I'm going to
lose it, or find out that it was never there. I know it sounds irrational, I
really do. It doesn't help that last time I had a scan at 8 weeks, but I'd
been fine with waiting til 12 weeks this time, and I was trying to be
patient. But then to find out that had I not called them, I'd have been lost
in the system really did my head in. To find out that the 12 week mark that
I'd managed to be patient about is probably now going to be delayed is
really hurting me, and the whole thing's made me cry as I just want to see
if I'm really going to have a baby.

I can absolutely understand why you're frustrated and
feeling low, and I think that's perfectly normal. I also think
that it was ridiculous for them to lose you in the paper shuffle.
At the same time, you know that the presence or absence of a
scan at this point changes nothing about your situation, nor
guarantees anything. Whether you have a viable pregnancy or
not will not be changed by a scan. If you had a clear scan today,
you wouldn't necessarily be out of the woods, and if a scan
raise questions today it wouldn't necessarily mean the worst
either. But you know all this, and that doesn't make the
feelings of frustration go away.
The only thing I'd counsel is that in pregnancy, just
as in parenting and life in general, you are going to be
doomed to a lot of frustration and anxiety if you are very
outwardly focused looking for reassurance/confirmation. We
all like to have that, of course, but the world often doesn't
comply with those wishes very well. If you can learn to have
some inner peace, with the understanding that you aren't going
to be in control of everything and trusting that you'll cope
with whatever happens if you need to, you may find it easier
to get by.

Best wishes,
Ericka