On Fri, 13 Aug 2004 13:48:26 EDT, (Nevermind)
wrote:

My 9 YO has been invited to go about 12 hours away for an entire week
with the family of a friend of his. This friend is a good friend, but
not someone he spends a ton of time with. Two overnight get-togethers
have gone well. My son is very sociable but also gets cranky and needs
alone time on a regular basis. The family is not an issue; I trust
them safety-wise, and they're also nice people. However, 9 seems too
young to me to have a child be that far away from home for an entire
week, and I worry about him getting sick of the family (his friend and
two younger sisters, mom, and dad) half-way through the week.

Problem is, the place they're going is a great place to go, both fun
and educational. I feel guilty about not letting him go, both because
I know it would be a great place for him to go (not that that means he
has to go this year) and because the other mother really wants him to
go for her son's sake.

Of course it's useful for you to talk to the other parents about how
your son acts and how to recognize when he needs quiet time.

But it's also valuable, whether or not your son ends up going on this
particular trip, for you to start helping *him* develop the tools and
vocabulary for pacing himself. Role-play with him how he can
recognize when he needs a few hours alone with a comic book or
television or whatever, and how he can say that politely to the other
kids and other parents. (If the other parents know ahead of time
that he is going to be asking for a quiet afternoon, they should be
more likely to recognize his signals.) We were very proud of our
daughter for being able to write about her need for alone time on her
camp medical form when she was about eleven. (there would have been
a parental note about that anyway, but she described it pretty well).

It might be useful to set up weekend visits in both directions, early
enough that you have time to talk about how that worked.


Oh, and if your son is away for a week, don't set him up for a visit
to grandma or other expectations of good behaviour right after he gets
back.

Louise