In article . net, Bob Whiteside
says...


"cathryn" wrote in message
roups.com...


It's a complex situation, there's no black and white, and there's no
generalities you can apply. Suggesting that "women kick men out for the
cash incentives" is ill-informed and quite frankly, a bit stupid.

I don't know what the magic answer is (I don't think there is one), but
certainly allocating blame (either universally to her, or universally
to him) is not going to resolve anything and help anyone.

A good start would be to understand there is a big difference between the
financial (CS) and emotional (custody) incentives that encourage divorces to
occur and a list of reasons why people divorce. The ease of no-fault
divorce coupled with the incentives to divorce make even the most minor of
issues to become reasons to end a marriage.

Since women statistically initiate divorces about 85% of the time, it is
important to understand the reasons women give for ending their marriages.
The top 5 reasons Dr. Sanford Braver found in his research include: 1.)
Gradual growing apart, losing a sense of closeness, 2.) Serious differences
in lifestyle and/or values, 3.) Not feeling loved or appreciated by spouse,
4.) Spouse not able or willing to meet major needs, and 5.) Emotional
problems of the spouse.

I guess you could classify a cross dresser as being included in emotional
problems of the spouse. Gambling problems that lose everything would most
likely fit into the 9th listed reason - spouse not reliable. Long term
humiliation would most likely fit into the 8th listed reason - frequently
felt put down or belittled by spouse.

But the fact remains, all of the top reasons women list for initiating
divorce are touchy-feely reasons that reflect women's mental perceptions of
the marriage relationship and have nothing to do with specific, defined
negative behavior by their husbands.


So, number four, for example, would be a matter of 'mental perception'? If she
dint' meet *his* needs, would it be viewed the same? That's a pretty broad
category.

In 'Chris's' case, his wife may well be met with a dilemma of helping her
daughter vs. staying married. But Chris has stated he won't divorce. So that
leaves the resolution of the dilemma to - her. So, forced into a choice like
that, *she'd* end up in the "initiated divorce" stat. But, I'd submit that
"initiated divorce" is quite a different thing from "destroyed marriage". And
that isn't such an uncommon thing.

Banty