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NL · May 26th 07, 10:54 PM posted to alt.parenting.solutions,misc.kids

wrote:
He tells he will
start using the potty, and that he will quit having accidents.

We are totally at wit's end here. He is entirely too old to still be
wearing pullups and having these problems. We have tried everything we
can think of to convince him that this is a good thing. As a teacher,
I know that potty-training is directly tied to emotional growth and
maturity, and I am aware of the fact he has some issues, which we are
working on.

Ok, have you got him checked out by a doctor? Maybe it's not so much
willpower that he needs but something else?

I don't know what other issues he has, but for what it's worth my son
has a perception/sensory problem (I don't know the proper english term.
For a very long time physical contact like patting him on the back or
stroking his hair were impossible as for him it apparently felt like
being beaten feels to a person without that problem.) and he started
potty training at 4. The same time he started kindergarten (germany,
different system.) He simply did not associate the feeling of a full
bladder/intestine with peeing/pooping. This was very evident when he
peed while having a shower. He always seemd very surprised that there
was liquid coming out of him. We also strggled with diaper changes as
he'd have a fit every time he pooped his pants and I tried to change his
diaper because of it.

Once he was aware of what was going on inside and was able to associate
the feeling of a full bladder with peeing potty training went really
well and fast. He's 6 now and still has peeing accidents every now and
then. Usually because he's trying to hold it in because he doesn't want
to stop playing, especially when he's outside and the underestimates the
time it'll take him to actually get to the toilett.

Is he scared of the dark? Does he get up at night to pee? Does he have
nightmares that make him scared to get out of bed at night? Are you sure
he poops in his sleep, have you actually seen it happen? Is he a very
deep sleeper and maybe doesn't realize he's not dreaming of going to the
toilet but pooping in bed?

Ok, what I would do:
- first of all: see a doctor who is familiar with sensory/perception
problems and get your son checked out.
- remove everything that might trigger nightmares (movies, books,
stories,...)
- leave a light on for him, in case he's scared of the dark (like me.
I'm 31 and have a nightlight...)
- take him to the toilet before putting him to bed? I don't know how
well that would work though.
- remind/ask him if he needs to go potty throughout the day (not every 5
minutes though, more like after/before meals maybe)
- don't threaten him with concequences for his nighttime accidents, but
don't make the cleanup the nices part of the day either. (deal with it
matter of factly, no fussing no babying, just take him to the bathroom,
give him a shower, put fresh clothes on without going on about the
accident. It's already happened and you can't undo it.)

If I have any other ideas I'll let you know...

cu
nicole