Banty wrote:

In article ,
Chris says...

On Mar 9, 10:53=EF=BF=BDam, Tony wrote:
G'morning.

I just joined this group looking for some advice. My ex-wife & I have
joint custody of my teenage daughter who just turned 18 this past
week. Sometime last fall, she broke curfew at my place & I punished
her accordingly. Now she's broken curfew at her mom's. My ex-wife
wants to punish my daughter & wishes that I 'match' the same
punishment at my place. Basically, to be on the same page. I disagree.
I don't have as many problems with my daughter as does my ex-wife.

Which of you has more problems isn't relevant. It is pretty common
for girls to get along better with their dads than with their moms.

Advice?

Is it possible that she broke curfew BECAUSE she just turned 18? Maybe
she thought it was time for her not to have one anymore. She should
have talked to her mom about it though. Your wife has a choice now of
kicking your daughter out if she doesn't abide by the rules, or not.
\
Well, at my house when I was 18, it didn't matter that I was old
enough to make my own decisions, as I was supposed to be old enough to
understand that walking in at 3 a.m. was also disruptive to the other
members of the household, so respecting that fact was also a part of
learning responsibility and respect for others. If I wound up spending
the night with a friend, so be it, as long as my parents knew it was
an unplanned possibility ("i.e. Hey mom, I might spend the night at
Cindi's," so they didn't worry their heads off that I had been left
for dead in a ditch.

Are you talking about 3 a.m. as in waking people up, or 3 a.m. as in people
worrying? Simple care addresses the first concern, a cell phone and a set of
rules about putting in calls addresses the second. Neither needs a curfew.

When my son was 18 (and he was still in high school then), I used to
worry whenever I heard sirens if he wasn't home yet. It wouldn't have
occurred to me to punish him or to set a curfew.

At my house, 100% freedom to do as I pleased only
came when I got my first apartment at almost 19.

Heck, the only time I ever felt the freedom to do as I pleased was when I lived
alone ;-) Which isn't now. Of course there needs to be respect for the
household and one has to work around others' needs.

Still doesn't need a curfew.

When I was living at home as an adult, my mom and I discussed the
rules and agreed on them. When my children or grandchildren visit, we
talk about the schedule among other things.

If one of the parties worries then some account needs to be taken of
that but it does NOT have to mean that there is a curfew or that the
worried about person doesn't have some autonomy. It can be as simple
as saying that you will leave a text message if you are going to be
out late or spend the night. So that the worried person can see what
is happening and be reassured without being able to complain about it.