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Old July 20th 03, 12:01 AM
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Default help me keep my son from perpetuating the cycle of abuse (very long)

Rolly The Pervert wrote:
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news:rfhSa.101006$H17.30659@sccrnsc02...

yeah, because when I have confidence others react to that. When I am
depressed I try to isolate myself so as not to be a burden onothers,
but my poor son has always been around me through these mood swings
and through the fall out of the trauma of the abuse I've taken from
others and he must have felt so powerless to help me and of course I
was not able to be there for him emotionally, that is a big part of
why he is so angry at me I am sure. Also, my confidence level is a
main factor of my manic-depression. When I am manic, I am very
confident when I am depressed I feel worthless, no matter what. The
meds help a lot but only go so far.


You know what, this is the sanest thing i've ever read from you.


Then you haven't really been paying attention until now.

This
is all real stuff. Don't tolerate what your kid is doing because of
this stuff, but accepting you played a part in causing it is a huge
deal.


I have been blaming myself since before he was born, so has everyone else,
what more do you want from me?

Also, know where he's comming from.

I do put myself in his shoes and he is still a child and I already said
repeatedly that I knew how he must hurt to have lived with me because I knew
how it hurt to live with my parents.

Think of when your at wits end with everything around you. imagine
being your son, unable to stop it. Think of how it hurts you to be
rejected by people you care about, then think of how he must have
felt when you were in your harder moments.


I do. It tortures me.

My advice, let him cool off in foster care. Take some time for
yourself, sleep in a bit if your work situation permits it, try to
eat a bit better then normal for a while, try to go for a half hour
walk everyday, call a friend once a day, don't dump on them, ask them
how they are, and listen, and once a day, without telling anyone, do
something for someone you don't know. Throw some change at a bum,
drop some old clothes off at a womans shelter, volunteer somewhere,
offeer a homeless guy a cigarette ( if you smoke ) doensn't have to
be anything huge, just don't tell anyone.


I don't smoke, I always find myself apologizing for that when I say that I
do not have a cigarette but I would give them one if I did (even though
this only perpetuates their addiction. Relief is relief.) And I have
always helped those less fortunate to me no matter how poor I have gotten, I
even have advice to others on how to do so on my webpage:

http://home.comcast.net/~lorian.gray/spiraloflife.html

Then after al that, sit down with your son, have a frank discussion.
Tell him you know he's had it rough, tell him what you just said here
about how you know you affect him. Then tell him that despite all
that, the two of you need to have a relationship together where you
have some respect for each other. It'll be hard at first, but i don't
think your son is a bad kid, just a hurt one acting bad. I think
you'll both find alot of forgiveness.


I hope this happens for us one day soon.

Good luck, I don't like you as a person, and It shouldn't matter who
does and who doesn't anyways. you do have a child, and the both of
you deserve each other.


I think you do not know me very well at all to make that kind of judgment
about me as a person and I am very suspicious of who you are but I trust
that you want the best for my son and that you still see that I am a
positive in his life.

When you start taking responsibility for the stuff you have a part
in, you won't feel the need to **** on yourself unfairly anymore
Lorian.


Wrong. I have always taken responsibility for my son from the day I found
out I was pregnant with him, everyone else abandoned us and their
responsibility to him and to me and had nothing but contempt, including
society in general. Hate the poor may as well be our country's motto. But
I have always stood by my son and have always tried my best to get help from
the people who are getting PAID to help families like ours but the system
has failed us repeatedly. I did not do this alone and I will not accept all
the blame alone either.

I replied to this mostly cause it looks like your starting to
do that.


Thank you.