The rundown...

Just found out a few days ago that my cousin and his new wife (as of Aug.
'06) just found out they're expecting their first baby - or they just
announced it the other day, and I heard through the grape vine, of course.

To keep it simple, I'll just use first names, since no one knows them and
there's probably a gazillion people with the same names
Dean is my cousin - my mom and his mom are sisters. His new wife is
Danielle.

Dean and I are not quite 4 years apart in age. Danielle, I've heard, is my
age.
Dean and I have never been close. I am close with another cousin on that
side of the family, and there's a 9 year age gap between us, it's just the
one part of the family (Dean, his older brother and parents) has kind of
made the choice to distance themselves from the rest of us. We see them,
basically, only on special occasions - Christmas, Thanksgiving (sometimes),
Mother's Day, my grandma's birthday. For birthdays, the whole family gets
together to celebrate, with that part of the family excluded by their
choice. Any one of them has yet to attend anyone else's birthday, with the
exception of Grandma, for as long as I can remember. They made the choice
this Christmas to 'spend Christmas with just themselves' on Christmas Day,
when the rest of the family went to the other aunt's house (my mom's other
sister) because Christmas Eve has always been at Grandma's - which they came
to. I believe the last time I had been to their house was 12 or 13 years
ago. That aunt doesn't like people over to her house, as she doesn't like
being a 'host'.

DS was about 2 years old before any one of them gave him the time of day,
yet every birthday, I have called and asked if they would like to come over
since we're having a birthday dinner or something. They always decline with
an excuse. With DS, my aunt had some real issues with that when he was
born. She was downright angry that *he* was the first great grandchild born
in the family - her boys, both older than me by 4 and 6 years had no
children. Basically, she was ripped because I had the first great
grandchild, first great grandson AND the first great granddaughter (for my
grandma, her mom)

Now my cousin is expecting his first child. I have no idea when, nor do I
really care all that much. I would guess she'd be 6-8 weeks along or so,
although I could be wrong. I know for a fact (and my other aunt and uncle
and cousin have said the same) that this other part of the family - Dean and
Danielle's - will be calling me asking me if I have any baby clothes that I
no longer need. My cousin figures that Dean's mom will ask my mom if I have
any baby clothes, and my mom will say she didn't know and to ask me herself.

To be honest, we're all done having kids. Any clothes that DD2 grows out of
will be ready to be passed on to the next person (when I'm ready to let them
go, of course!) and quite frankly, I feel like I'd much rather throw the
clothes away before giving them to my cousin and his wife. I'd feel more
satisfaction by burning them or eating them than I would by offering the
clothes to them.
My mom said I should offer them, if they need them, but I wonder if I really
should. Why should I? Because they've made the choice to distance
themselves from the rest of the family? Because they've decided they're so
much better than the rest of us? And since they all make so much good
money, surely they'd never want some lousy hand-me-downs from the likes of
me - the one who is clearly the one who has the least material possessions
out of everyone in the family - since they're more than able to buy brand
new clothes. On occasion, Dean's mom has commented what a lovely dress DD
is in or how DS has such nice shoes, or something... I've always been VERY
picky as to what I put my children in... She said the dresses the girls
were wearing at Christmas were just beautiful, and she asked where I had
found DS's suit.

Am I being totally rude by even feeling this way? I've found that Danielle
has been fairly rude towards me since the day I met her. She's been rude or
nasty more than she's been pleasant and nice. I don't feel or think I've
been rude or mean to her. I've never outwardly tried to be a jerk towards
her, or anyone from that part of the family. I've always tried to be very
pleasant and nice regardless.
Would I be wrong if I did get a call about all of my baby clothes and just
said something along the lines of one of my girl friends is expecting a baby
right away and, oh, just by chance, I happened to give all I had to her? I
don't think anything would change my mind or feelings about offering or
giving these clothes to them, but would it be wrong or nasty to just say
I've already given them away to avoid everything??