On Mar 20, 2:27�pm, "miri" wrote:
On 19 Mar, 14:25, "Bev" wrote:





On Mar 14, 8:26?pm, "miri" wrote:

Well, lifes sorted itself out here at last...I hope.
Guess whos back? well, not back to live, and after
telling me that he still wants to find that special
someone, "me,me?" I ask impatiently "no, but we
can still be great together!" he says. Am I a fool?
after 6 bleedin years no, not in the slightest, I've just
got to get used to the fact that he's happy without the
responsibility, he likes his own place, he likes his
freedom and his friends and hes told me not to say
anything to anyone. I've got so used to being without
another adult in the house I'd go bonkers. I've gotten
used to my tv programmes, wearing sloppy pants and
slouching about with my old coffee mug with stains on
it. Hey! I'm convenient! and I'm happy about that....for
the time being, it was a lovely cuddle and we never
argued. The birds sang, the rain fell in twinkling droplets
and the kiddies were happy he was home.

Sounds to me that if you can be happy with this arrangement than it
works for you and that is what you need to consider . Does it give you
enjoyment and can you be happy with it this way? If so, it is what it
is and you chose it, it wasn't shoved down your throat.

The only way I think we could get it together and live in
the same place would be by both selling everything we
had and making a fresh start. That ain't never, and I mean
never going to happen. I'm not his girlfriend, neither am his
wife, hey ! I'm his slag! and should I have asked for him to
leave a tenner on the sideboard after his beans on toast on
his way out my door? or ever ask if he'll he be around next
Tuesday at 7:00?

You make me laugh....in a good way.....not at you,with you.

Talking of second chances seriously again. I was upset that
its taken so damned long, hes always known he had first
choice there, that I really wanted more family, and more
children around, you know when you get older its something
we could look forwards together. Now I've hit an age its never
ever going to be possible.

My dating experiences have been last, really fraught. I really
truely, madly and deeply wanted a large family, I was never so
happy as I was with my kids. There are a lot of people who only
want the fun out of a relationship, and no children. Should we
have two sorts of dating agencies for the single parents who
want to start anew? one for those model agencies "I'm not sure
cos I've just split up and I'm feeling really shaky" and the other
for
"I'm divorcing, I don't want to go to town or raise hell all I want to
do is get along with having a family" sort of thing?

miri

I think the dating or discovery of a connection with someone is
exciting but putting yourself out there takes a lot of guts. I
have ..er I have tried to have long term relationships with "future"
in mind. I have not had many of those either. When I think about the
ones I have had, all were very family oriented.I think the one that
was meant to last my lifetime passed me on ...she died. I have lots of
kids, stepkids, grandkids, step grankids, big extended families and
that I enjoy, *especially holidays with the kids. What is good about
having the kids and grandkids is that no matter what, that part is
always there. No matter what is going on in my relationship I can
depend on the kids keeping my life real.Keeping me aware of what is
important in this life. I am beginning to notice that as I get older I
am sick of the games people play in relationships, just tired of the
stress it takes to keep somebody else happy when they dont even know
themselves what they want other than to consume you with their drama,
and expectations that you sit around and wait for them all day
everyday ...and for what anyway? *I just want to be wanted for me,
enjoy that I am an individual, that what I feel means something to
them, and I am treated equal to someone that -wants- to spend time
with me. Is that too much to ask? *I am obviously tainted at the
moment lol! Having been use to being in a live in relationship for the
past ohhhh .....ALL MY ADULT LIFE , I have only now at almost 46 years
old begun to feel it is so -not- something I have to have to be happy
anymore.Kids are grown (just about) I am free to just be me.Not
someone elses convienance. I am ready too, just as you sound, Good for
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I'm so sorry Bev, you sound so upset,

Nah, it's ok.......the upset is quickly becoming amusement for me,
which is then predictable, and ends up just plain boring. I am in a
situation that leaves me bound to where I am for now. I have no job ,
no income, I was broken physically there for a while. My 19 year old
daughter and her fiancee, two kids, are also sharing this home with
myself and my "relationship gone wild" situation.I just came back
after a month long being away and I am so certain now that this is
past over for me.. I am not happy at all. I want to help my daughter
and her fiance' and my grand children. I am only here because they are
here. If things were different , if my daughter was ready for me to
let her go I would not have come back. I need to get my income started
back up but my moms health has gone from "she wont make it through the
weekend " 3-4 weekends ago, to now being in a rehab center to get
strong enough to go back home again. I am still needed out of state
within the next month or so, so I can work some **** job in the
meantime that I can just drop when I need to go back. All this just
keeps telling me I am up the creek at the moment. On top of all those
thoughts I have to live with, look at and be pleasant to someone that
just don't get it. I wasn't good enough for you the past year, I'm
over it, go away!

I wonder if people
are truly ment to live as couples, theres all that
expectation of what couples are supposed to do.

heh expectations....just this morning I make a comment about how "I
must refill my meds today " and I get the "Oh yea me too , do mine
too!" I said " So you think I am the hired help still?" Be a grown up
and refill your own meds" I don't want to be so bitter about
relationships because they do work sometimes it can be a nice thing,
even this one "was" a nice thing at one time. I'm not sure what
happened maybe just life happened and it ended up not being what we
expected it to be . I know what I wanted it to be didn't last.When
your feelings begin to be unimportant to someone what other choice do
you have but to wipe away the tears and walk away.


One of
my best freindships is with a guy who came to stay on my
couch. Not recently, but after my divorce. I wanted the
'relationship thing' so after x number of years and no
kids I was heartbroken to call it quits with him. It didnt
matter when he went out when he would be back again because
he worked away and stayed with his other mates & his mum.
We used to phone one another up to see where he was He
asked me if I wanted to get serious but I said not, it would
have been like trying to hide a bison in my airing cupboard!
the beauty would have gone, that ethereal quality, the
intangible fleeting air that something in our world remained
untrappable, natural and wild was too dreadful even to
consider,

luv-


That was hard for you I am sure, you survived though as most of us
do . I'm not thinking I know all the answers, I do know there must be
a better way to live than like I have been lately.I am ready to try
something else, 'cause this isn't working.

Bev
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