dragonlady wrote:

In article ,
LisaBell wrote:

A few weeks ago, at a parents meeting at DD2's preschool, one of the
staff told a parent a cute anecdote about walking on an errand with
her son. The boy had said it was a long way, and the staff member had
told him not to worry, since the way back would be shorter. She added,
with great amusement, that now whenever they went on their weekly walk
to the woods, this boy would pipe up that it will be shorter on the
way back.

I find that going to a place for the first time, that I perceive the
outward trip as being longer. Going back, I'm familiar with the
landmarks and so it seems to be shorter and go faster. So I'm not
sure that this is a complete falsehood.

I was quite disturbed by this story. I would never deliberately feed
my child patently false scientific information; too me it is a matter
of integrity and dependability. Is this because I am out of touch
with my inner child ?

Also, if you take a somewhat different route on the way back, maybe it
is really shorter.

I will admit I am far from a fantasy enthusiast (right now DH is in
the other room watching LOTR for the third time, by himself), nor am I
a religious believer, so I am repeatedly uneasy when DD1 asks whether
fairies exist, and what about angels... elves... spirits... heaven?
What am I supposed to tell her?

I tried to dodge it when she asked if there was really a tooth fairy
(she hasn't yet lost a tooth, but is dying to), and asked her what she
thought. She said she thought there was no fairy and it was the
parents who put money in place of the tooth. Then she *insisted* on
knowing if she was right. Put on the spot, I admitted there was no
fairy, nor elves, and I'd never seen an angel. Am I spoiling things
for her?

--Lisa bell
Mom to Gabriella (6.5) and Michaela (almost 5)

You aren't spoiling things for her -- neither are parents who tell there
kids that Santa Claus is real or angels, or tell their kids "the way
back will be shorter". None of the kids I know have been disturbed by
these stories, provided the parents tell them in a lighthearted way --
the same way you would tell a fairy tail.

Kids engage in magical thinking when they are very young, and this is
both normal and not damaging in any way. Parents who play along with
this by making up stories, or telling them things that are
scientifically inaccurate are doing no harm. In fact, if you live with
someone who does a LOT of this, it's fun to watch as the kids get older
and start to figure out what is and isn't true. (Maybe it makes them
better at questioning everything as they get older; just a thought.)

On the other hand, some parents don't do that, finding themselves more
comfortable with answers that are always factually accurate (as opposed
to metaphorically accurate?). They do no harm either, provided they
don't stomp on their kids' magic or imagination. I was once caring for
a couple of kids who were telling me a clearly made up story about an
experience with tigers and elephants they had had in Africa (their
parents were missionaries). When their parents came into the room, I
was dishearted and angry when both children were severely punished for
"telling lies", in spite of the fact that I assured the parents that we
ALL knew they were just making up a fictional story.

One of the things my dad did was insist that my mom get us into
activities where we would be required to use our imaginations, because
he said schools were too much based on fact, and stifled the
creativity. He thought those things were important - one can always
learn the facts. My dad was an anatomist - taught human anatomy in
medical school and did cancer research.

What my mom did to encourage our imaginations was to enroll us in an
experimental theatre group which did lots of role playing and group
play-acting.


As far as the theological questions, there are a couple of ways to go,
but my favorite is to tell the child what *I* believe, and then to
encourage them to ask other family members or friends (especially those
who I know have different beliefs) what THEY believe. As they get
older, they will sort out what they believe, and I think they'll be in a
stronger place to search for thier own truths.

grandma Rosalie