dolores wrote:

No I didn't mean *real* murder (getting away with murder must be an
Irish phrase). I meant that he knew he could push the boundaries
with you cos he could tell you had difficulty saying no....

"getting away with murder" is a phrase here too, it just struck a little too
close to my heart as I am so afraid of the police at this point since they
so consistently blame me and punish me whenever I ask them for help in a
crisis. And now my son has called my mother and lied to her too and she
didn't even call me to check the story out at all, she just assumed that I
was violent and told him to call his father to see if he could go live with
him. Is SHE insane? For one thing, she doesn't know me very well since she
isn't around me on a daily basis at all so she is no judge of my character
and for another thing, sending my so to call his father is sending him to
certain and painful rejection, his father doesn't WANT him. This is the man
who left me when I was pregnant and who complains about paying child
support, saying it is free money that I don't earn and that he has his
"own" family to support so he can't afford my son. I hope to God my mother
is never called upon as my next of kin to determine whether I should be
committed long term to a psychiatric unit because she told me to my face
that she assumed my son's story of me being violent was true. What a bitch.
The people in my life who do know me who know I wouldn't and couldn't hurt
him since I am physically unable are not related to me though. And she has a
history of abusing me herself but that was long ago. ****. I am so scared
now. what am I going to do? I need to find out the laws for my state and
how to get myself a guardian or something. For once I wish I was married.

Oh I didnt mean *you* threatened it, I meant a few others that
replied to your post suggested it, and (personally) I dont this would
be good in your particular situation, after all who else has this lad
got....and it would probably cause more problems than it would solve,
I think.


This is what I think would have been ideal for you when you first
became pregnant. I think social services should try and help, not
just you, but all first time mothers that have come from an abusive
family by placing them in a family that could be considered
relatively normal (cos there's no such thing as an ideal family).
Long term it would save the Gov. a whole lot of money and there'd be
a lot less children in this world suffering, simply cos the parents
had no idea how to be parents.

I searched for it in church after church but I never found it. If I am ever
rich I will start a chain of these.


Oh yeah!!.. I never thought of this group. Did you ever consider
going to them before, when your lad was little?

We did go to parents anonymous when he was little but I was always living
with an abuser at the time so it only went so far I'm afraid.

I dont know if I would call this *being there* for you, but I hope
things do get better for you.

It is people like you who have reached out to me in these times of crisis
throughout my life that have sustained me and kept me going. I appreciate
your practical advice and words of kindness so much.