Stephanie and Tim wrote:
They rough house. DS
loves it, DH loves it. The problem is that this rough housing frequently
involves DH manhandling DS's body in a way that DS has no control over.
Still fine. DS is giggling madly. The problem is that I think the acceptable
level of DH hurting DS is ZERO when this play is occuring.

I'd stay out of this one. One of the things fathers do differently than
mothers is rough house. They'll work this one out on their own.

That said, it sounded a lot like what goes on between my older son and his
six-years-younger brother. I can see the crying coming from a mile off
and I'll stop by the older boy and say, "this game always ends in your
brother crying and you getting yelled at for being too rough. Is this
really the game you meant to play?"

In your case I'm not sure you need to patronize your husband like that,
but you could do some form of reminding him to be self-aware if you can
think of a way that isn't demeaning to him as an adult. :-)

The other issue I have is with hauling him around by his limbs. Picture an
example in which DH is trying to get DS to go with him to bathtime. He gives
him the 5 and 2 minute warning. Then asks DS to come for bathtime. When DS
does not come, he repeats and whatnot. All of this is exactly the same as I
would do. But what he does when noncompliance continues is takes him by the
hand and physically lifts him by one arm! And carries him that way!

Again, this one will solve itself in time, but I think this is the battle
I'd pick to fight. You are right on both your points - that it's
dangerous and it teaches your son not to listen to his father. I think
you can model good behavior and talk to your husband about it calmly when
your son isn't in the room, but I also think you are going to have to let
the father of your son learn how to father in his own way and own time.

The fact is, he's going to make mistakes. The best you can do is respect
him as an adult, respect the relationship he has with his son and allow
him to feel like an accomplished father for what he does well, rather than
as a failure of a man for what he does wrong.

You'd kind of like the same treatment, too, wouldn't you?

Wendy