Banty wrote in
:

In article ,
Irrational Number says...

So, if anyone is following our saga, back
in July, my neighbor J ranted and railed at
me for various issues: safety, nanny,
bilingual environment, tantrums, noise,
etc., regarding my 5yo autistic Pillbug.
At that time, he threatened to call CPS,
said he has a friend at CPS who said he
should call, but he oh so kindly decided
he himself would talk to us first.

Well, following that, I talked to all the
other neighbors, determined that no one was
concerned with noise except J,

Well, when people are put on the spot like that they often don't want
to bring up their concerns...

that the only
real concern was safety, that ONE TIME that
Pillbug crossed the street by himself because
DH was not paying attention. (It's a quiet
residential street, an puh-leeze, all kids
try to go into streets, don't they?)

I did implement all of J and J's wife's
suggestions: new locks, new fence, never
let the kids go near their garage, shut the
windows on J's side if Pillbug tantrums and
move Pillbug to the other side of the house.

Good!


Well, J called CPS anyway. I am calm now,
but Tuesday night I was cussing like a sailor.

J called CPS about Pillbug crossing the
street. CPS decided there was not sufficient
evidence for an investigation, so they referred
us to some community counseling support blah
blah blah place. (By the way, when I told this
counseling place that my Pillbug was autistic,
he told me to go to The First 5 Years, whom I
had called FOUR years ago and they told me they
could do nothing for me.) Useless. Absolutely
useless.

Think if it as "useless" = "CPS decided you're fine".


I've discovered that negative reinforcement
just does not work well with me. Now that J
has called CPS, my gut is telling me that
next time Pillbug tantrums, I will open all
the windows on J's side and aim Pillbug in
that direction.

Don't don't.


I just cannot believe that after our discussion,
after J's wife kept telling me that she had been
a teacher for 30 years, that she tossed water
in her son's face at 2yo to stop his tantrums
(sheesh, a 2yo's tantrumming for show is so
different from an autistic child's frustration
at being unable to communicate - I am not about
to stop Pillbug from attempting to communicate!),
after I implemented every one of their suggestions,
that they still called CPS.

I will talk to J again. I'm not sure what I want
to say to him. I'm going to wait a week so that
I'm calm when I do.

Why on earth talk to that neighbor again???

Here's what came down:

1. They called CPS, as I recall several of us said "let them, CPS
won't do anything".

2. CPS did nothing, basically. Other than the mamby-pamby obligatory
referrals they pretty much have to do and record that they did so they
can show they're doing their job.

So that was the one bullet in J's gun, they're blown their wad, there
is nothing more that they can do, and *they* know it too. So it's
done.

Just keep doing what you're already doing, please dont' think of
yourself as a child who "doesn't respond to negative reinforcement"
and do stupid stuff to get the police called.

But, good grief, why on earth are you even thinking about talking to
that neighbor again? What do you owe them?? What do you hope to
accomplish??

Newsflash: People don't talk to all their neighbors. It's one way of
getting along - detente. No talk, no arguments, no hassle. You can
rant here - we can be the people you talk to.

As for them, no reason to even be neighborly - you don't even have to
call if you see a breaking in over there. Just pretend it's an empty
house. ;-)

Banty

I have to agree with what Banty said.
You have a challenge with your every day life. There's not much that's
going to change that. There's no magical cure for Autism, AFAIK, or
autistic would not be around. You're not the only family with an
autistic child. Yours doesn't seem to be any different from the next!
We lived across the way from a woman that had an autistic 11 or 12 year
old son. He did some pretty crazy things - there was one time I remember
he was just screaming out his bedroom window, and in the end, he ended up
*falling* out of his 2nd storey window. An ambulance was called to add
to the noise and commotion, but quite frankly, it was not the end of the
world living near this family. They didn't do things to bother the
neighbours on purpose.
I did talk to this neighbour every now and then. I can only imagine how
difficult it can be in her home. It wasn't something I would ever think
to hold against her... When she got pregnant with him, I highly doubt she
was hoping and praying for autism!
Let him be who he is. And just keep going as you would. I'd keep trying
to do what I can to not disrupt the neighbour, but it sure sounds like
your neighbour is a royal jerk. I wouldn't bother trying to talk to him
- or the wife. Just ignore them completely. If they feel the need to
keep calling CPS, then whatever. Let them if that's what makes them
happy. They'll really start to look stupid when CPS keeps saying you're
doing a great job and handle issues and life well.
I'd be ****ed off at the neighbour as well, but maybe the best way to
deal with it is to NOT give your neighbour any type of reaction. That
just might fuel his boat or something. He might get some satisfaction
that if CPS won't do anything in his favor, at least he's getting to your
last nerve. Don't even go down that road!