"toypup" wrote in message
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"Anthony Summers" wrote in message
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Holy God, are you serious? Over-react much?

First of all, you cannot force a heartfelt apology. Secondly, I'm sorry
but a letter is more than a bit ridiculous. You're taking a one-time
and very small event and making a federal case out of it. Eventually
this singular lack of perspective will cause a ton of problems, I'd bet.

The heartfelt apology means one that is said without a roll of the eye, as
sincere as can be mustered. At the time he does it, I'm sure he will be
sincere, since he often acts on the spur of the moment and is very sorry
afterwards. I don't consider violence on another child, especially one
much smaller than oneself, to be a small event. How do you suggest it be
handled?

You can't force an apology that means much out of a child unless they do it
on their own.
I've really been listening to this audio book lately. It just kind of plays
over and over in the van. I did mention it above in a tread the other day,
but anyways...
I find this audio book has some fantastic ideas - and I've been trying to do
my best to start us around here doing it. It just makes sense.
One thing the woman says (the woman that is doing this audio book, which
sounds to me like some sort of presentation or convention type speech) is
that in her house, "If you hit, you sit" She said that if one child hits
another, then they sit in the rocker. If it's her child, the child sits in
the rocker. If it's a friend's or neighbour's child, they have the option
to either sit in the rocker or they go home. She even said that the other
kids in her house know about this rule, and after one time of hearing some
commotion from the kids downstairs, she was on her way down and crossed
paths with one neighbour boy, who said on his own, "I'm going to the rocker,
Mrs. C" and off he went. This woman says that the rule for the "if you hit,
you sit" rule is that when you (the child) are ready to resume playing in an
appropriate way, you are free to go. It might be a minute, it might be 10
minutes of sitting on the rocker (or the chair, or a given spot on the
floor - whatever) but when the child feels he or she is ready, then they are
free to go. As a parent or adult, you'll know they are ready if they go
back and play without hitting (or kicking, slapping, shoving, whatever) and
they get sent back to sit if they hit again. She says that children will
learn one of two things... Either he'll learn to sit real well a lot or
he'll learn to play nice. She says he won't learn to hit by spending time
sitting. Chances are when they go back to play, all will pretty much be
forgotten, but the "aggressor" at the time will surely remember not to hit
(or kick or whatever)
Apologies are useless. Most of the time kids don't mean it and are saying
it for YOU, not them or the other child. If a child feels the need to
apologize, it should not be because it was suggested to them. Chances are
the kid knows he did something that wasn't acceptable. I bet he's not
stupid, as most kids aren't. I wouldn't even say an apology is needed.
It's useless. I also would spare my child the embarrassment of a big
written letter or apology in person to the child and their parents. This
said audio book has really been helpful - for me, anyways - and I am really
trying to curb certain behavior (for me AND the kids). Kids will be kids,
and chances are that the other kid won't really care or remember. Kids seem
to get over things fairly easily. And they'll be back playing and just fine
in no time at all. Dragging it out seems pointless.

If the child was physically harmed, I'd let it go. Also, another rule of
thumb is not to punish, but to discipline. Shame and all that isn't a good
way to handle things, it seems. If you didn't see it actually happen, then
you can't blame one or the other. Trying to get a news story from two
editorials is pointless (he did this first! She did that before! - the
'tell me your side, tell me your side' thing) and if no one was actually
hurt, then I would let it go. I would just try and enforce something that
is along the lines of the you hit, you sit idea.

Maybe I'm not one to talk - I know I have some major issues around here with
dealing, but after I have been listening to this audio book a fair bit, a
lot of it - if not all of it - seems to make a lot of sense. And I am
trying to slowly work a number of these ideas and suggestion around here.
There hasn't been a MAJOR or drastic change, but there are small changes
here, which is a really, really good start for me.