"Kat" wrote in message
...
Apologies are useless. Most of the time kids don't mean it and are saying
it for YOU, not them or the other child.

I disagree with this. If a child hurts someone, he must apologize. There
are adults in this world whose egos are so big, they never learn to do that
and it hurts their relationships with others. Even if at first, the kids
apologize to make parents happy, they eventually learn the value of it when
they see the positive effects it has on their relationships with others. DS
has learned to apologize when he makes mistakes and I do believe he does it
with sincerity.

It's useless. I also would spare my child the embarrassment of a big
written letter or apology in person to the child and their parents.

I also disagree here. The letter is not intended to embarrass but rather it
is exactly that -- an apology. If someone hurt me and apologized in a
letter, I would feel better about it.

and chances are that the other kid won't really care or remember. Kids
seem to get over things fairly easily. And they'll be back playing and
just fine in no time at all. Dragging it out seems pointless.

I agree that things will be fine. DD got into something with her friend and
I don't remember what it was, but when her friend came over, she took DD's
hand and looked her in the eye and apologized. I am sure her mother put her
up to it, but it was heartfelt and all was better. All would have been
forgotten anyway, but I think that was honorable.


If the child was physically harmed, I'd let it go. Also, another rule of
thumb is not to punish, but to discipline. Shame and all that isn't a
good way to handle things, it seems. If you didn't see it actually
happen, then you can't blame one or the other.

The story was clear cut, as DS is truthful (one quality I admire about him)
and told me exactly what happened. The story was not told by the neighbor
child. I am not attempting to shame my child. I am attempting to help him
to right a wrong. If you hurt someone, is it shameful to apologize?