Hello. Before you start reading, I warn you it's a bit long, I ended up

writing more than I intended


I'd like some suggestion on how I can handle a problem that=B4s really
getting me down. I=B4m 37 and have 2 kids, a girl age 13 and a boy age
11. My husband passed away 5 years ago.
Until about 6 months I hadn't had any serious problem with my kids.
They were never spanked and until then the severest punishment they had

got was to be grounded for a day, a few times Both alwyas get good
grades, and the girl excellent grades. Two great kids.
But for some reason I could never explain, maybe bad companies, in
August my girl started to behave really bad and to do things she'd
never done before, like being impolite and disrespectful, talking back,

shouting at me, disobeying. Without me knowing, she took to hanging
out with a different group of boys and girls, most of them older than
her. At school, however, she kept behaving and getting excellent
grades. Her teachers couldnt imagine how a nice teen like her could
behave so bad at home.
One Saturday she went out with those guys, came back home late and I
could notice she had drung a bit. I grounded her for some days and
during these days I talked to her a lot, explaining I was really upset

and scared with her behavior. She apologized, cried a lot, said she
didn't know why she had changed so much and promised she would leave
those guys and would get back to her usual behavior. She even thanked
me for not giving her a severe punishment and, actually, for about 2
weeks I had my wonderful girl back.
But suddenly she got to a bad behavior again and things were getting
worse and worse. By the middle of november I had no choice other than
submitting her to a strict grounding. Besides being a punishment for
her bad behavior, the strongest reason for her grounding is I suspected

she was hanging out with those guys again and I was really scared and
afraid she would get in some serious trouble. Except for her school
time, she had to be home all the time and I took away almost everything

she liked. Since it was a punishment for her best and not a torture, I
allowed her friends to come over with some restrictions and some TV
after dinner, with bed time at 10 pm. At that time I was taking a
course and, after her homework, she had to help me typing texts and
doing some researches in books and on the Net. Interesting to point out

that when helping me with this somewhat boring work she showed an
incredible good will, you wouldnt say it was a punishment, she like
enjoyed helping me.
I expeted a rebellion but this didnt happenn. Instead, the girl
apologized and asked to be forgiven, but this time I was really firm,
though I kept treating her with love and even with sweet words like
hun. The girl cried a lot, begged to be set free but I kept her
grounding up to some days before Xmas. It was terible to me, I'm sure I

cried much more than her. I talked to her a lot, showing I was still
her mom who loved her, every night I came at her bedside to kiss her,
but kept her punishment to the end and didnt make it any lighter. I
think this was my big mistake, the girl was sincerely changing and I
should have lightened up.
After her punishment she really stopped her bad behavior, left those
guys and I have nothing to complain about. I January I had to go to the

hospital for a surgery and the way she helped me to handle things
while I was in the hospital took me to Heaven. I'm proud of her.
But after her punishment she has never been the same, she's not happy
any more. She's a sad and depressed girl. I think she won't live this
thing down. The second weekend after her punishment she like grounded
herself and spent most of the time in bed, just staring at the ceiling.

I think now she sees me like a punisher and not like a mom. Somedays
ago she went out with some friends on a Wednesday and I asked her to be

home by 8 pm, of course not a strict curfew. She came home at 8:10 pm
and thought she would be grounded.
Ive told her a lot of times that thing is over, shes forgiven, shes a
wonderful girl, she was never a bad girl, she was just a bit lost. She
just smiles and usually says nothing.
Yesterday I was so upset that I grabbed her and almost shouted Please
tell me, what is going on, yuou like lost the pleasure of living. She
just said "Come on mom, now you have nothing to complain about me ,
I've already been punished and I have the right to be sad, u cant
punish me cause Im sad". My God! She said something inside of her
broke , but couldnt or idnt want to explain what it was exactly .
Somedays ago a friend of mine said to me and my girl something like
"Oh, nothing like a good punishment right? You learned your lesson, now

you=B4re behaving like an angel". My girl said something like "yeah,
I'll always be an example of a bad girl who was punished and became a
good girl. No matter the good things I do, er everyone will always see
me as a criminal that regreted her wrongdoings. No one remembers I've
helped my mom since dad died". This is true, she really helped. And
when I need she still helps me with my work with an extraordinary good
will, this i no punishment for her.
Well, I've written to much, sorry. I think that happy girl I once had
is gone. I'm sure I won't have any seriuos problem with her any more,
but guess she'll leave home a soon as she can. =20


Jane