In article . com,
says...

Hi! I'm a retired older mom (in her 60's) who has pretty much raised
her kids (who are all in their 40s) alone. Father-still alive- but
little contact/support and never has been. Stepfather died 20+ years
ago. I had just turned 40...3 were out of highschool and the youngest
was in the 3rd year of high school.

Problem is I know have the opportunity to move approx. 2-3 hrs from
'home'. It is a location that we are all familiar with and love. It
would help me tremendously. I 'retired' from my full time job a few
years ago but still work part time. In the last year, I find I am
getting more tired, really don't want to work any longer...but
financially 'must' with where I currently live. This move gives me
that opportunity of not working and sharing expenses with my sister and
brother-in-law. Yes..we have gone over all kind of scenarios of 'ifs'.
Problem is 3 of my 4 children are ok with this. I have 1 who is
really upset. She has 3 teenagers who I am close with and do quite a
bit of 'errands' with. I have tried to say to them, it is only 2.5 hrs
away and I think I would probably see all of my children/grandchildren
more and with better quality time. I still plan on being with them on
special occassions and holidays and expect to come back 'here' about
every 4-5 weeks and spend a day or two with each of them... IF THEY ARE
EVEN AVAILBABLE. They all have very busy lives. I could take them
shopping and not have to charge it. In the summer, they could come for
a visit...beach/boardwalk/shoppingoutlets. I feel I talk to them,
email them more than anything. When I do see them it is usually to
grab 30/60 min. here and there! I am probably home alone and eat
alone 25 out of 30 days/nights. You get the gist.

Does anyone have any suggestions?


Maybe I missed this - "home" is where you are now? Or where you were when you
were raising your kids? The fourth grown child who is upset - she lives very
close to where you are now like a few minutes' drive?

I think the basic thing is that you need to think about your own needs and don't
need permission from your own grown children. If you were moving much farther
away, I'd start to say that there are natural consequences to removing yourself
from family. That would be, say, retiring to Florida leaving all the grown kids
and their families in New York (so extremely common to seem to be the norm).
But it still would be your right to do that, but their right to determine how
much they can do to keep the family relationhip going.

But a coupla hours' drive - naw, you're not really removing yourselves from
their lives, and they really can be making these adjustments. It affects you
much much more than it affects them after all. When you get settled, start
inviting the girls for things - even create some new family traditions.

I assume your sis and BIL are totally and enthusiastically on board with this
arrangement...

Other than that, I don't think you've been clear enough for me to say much more.

Cheers,
Banty