On Jun 13, 4:43 am, bchamberlin wrote:
I know this is a common problem and a part of growing up, but it seems
that my 7 year old is having a rather hard time with this concept.
He's overly competitive and terribly hard on himself. I'm not sure
what to do but his behavior is not acceptable. It doesn't matter if
he's playing Playstation, soccer, or goofing around with me in the
yard. He quits, whines, and has a fit if he doesn't win. I've had to
ban him from Tiger Woods golf (a healthy non violent game) that we
often play together because he's actually gotten to the point where he
hits himself in the head with the controller when he loses. Today he
started crying because of some event he has at school today where
everyone plays a car in a line of trains and he's the caboose. He
simply didn't want to be last. My ex-wife and I both tried explaining
that in some cases, being last was the most important position but he
didn't want to hear any of it.

Now, on a side note, my ex-wife and I are recently divorced. It was a
clean divorce and we're still very close. We eat dinner together a
few times a week, take our kids to the movies still, and talk several
times a day. I haven't seen either of our children act out because of
this but I figured I'd just throw that in ... in case any of you see
something that I do not.

Thanks for any advice...

Brian

Hi Brian,

I also have a 7 yr old and I would describe his ability to handle
winning and losing games as a "work in progress". I think kids handle
these things as they can and the best we can do is keep on providing
them with postive feedback. I tell my 7 yr old that the only way you
learn to win is by losing over and over again. And I tell him that if
he's not losing, then he's not learning to get better (esp with games
like chess or physical activity). Also, learning to regulate emotions
is something that takes time. Some kids---like mine--are very
emotional. I find that toning down the volume, rather than discussing
emotionally charged issues, often helps. Joking, communicating that
everyone loses, and getting a child to understand how they are growing
vs. winning/losing seems to help. If your kid is up to it, try to
work on understanding probabilities and chances of winning by using
doing heads/tails with a coin, games with dice, etc. Playing with
probability games and gaining confidence with them is often a good
stepping stone for dealing with winning/losing in games of skill.

Best wishes to you,
SMC