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Old July 10th 04, 09:03 PM
deserted_dad
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Default How many had prior knowledge of the "system"?

Just out of curiosity, how many of you dads knew about the gross
injustices of the modern-day "child support" system prior to being
trapped in it yourself? And how many were utterly clueless about just
how bad it is for fathers?

I had absolutely no idea just how bad things were before I became
ensnared in the system. I'm ashamed to admit it now, but I bought the
media lies about all the "deadbeat dads" running amok in society hook,
line, and sinker. I really thought there must be a strong need for a
draconian legal system to hunt down and crucify the teeming hoards of
men who where actively evading the payment of support for their kids.

What a fool I was.

I'm just about the furthest thing in the world from a "deadbeat dad"
When my girlfriend of 2 years announced that she was pregnant, I did
what I believed in my heart to be the honorable thing. I bought a
really nice diamond engagement ring and proposed to her on Christmas
morning of 2002. She was thrilled, said yes to the marriage, and for
a very brief period at least, all was happy in my little world.

She already had 2 young boys from a previous relationship, whom I had
grown to love as my own. I was absolutely ecstatic about the idea of
finally settling down with a wife and three kids. It's the American
Dream, right?

She was driving a pretty old van, so I soon bought her a new one
because I didn't like the idea of my "family" riding in an unsafe
vehicle. I started paying her $500 a month to supplement her income
since she said she needed to drop her hours at work down to part-time
because the pregnancy was making her feel sick a lot. I think that
may have been the beginning of the end right there. In hindsight, I
truly believe that just as a shark is whipped into a feeding frenzy by
the smallest traces of fresh blood, her newfound income stream clicked
on a light bulb in her head.

It didn't take too long before she started getting increasingly angry
at me for no apparent reason. I found out after the break up that she
had even told my mom that she hated me because I had "made her sell
her van and made her quit her job" and that she resented that I had
"made" her dependant on me.

The final nail in the coffin of the relationship came one Saturday
when we were all sitting on the sofa watching a movie. Her youngest
son was sitting in my lap, and like a lot of 3 year olds, he was
constantly looking for ways to push buttons and see what he could get
away with. He found my button by spitting directly in my face. I was
****ed, but have never hit a child in my life, and wasn't about to
then. I put my finger in his face and told him to never do that
again. He turned his head away and tried to squirm out of my lap, so
I *tapped* his forehead with my finger to get his attention. At that
point, my ex jumped off the couch, screamed that I had just assaulted
her son, and that if I didn't leave right away she was calling the
police. So I left (we weren't living together yet, so I had my own
house to go to). I tried calling her that night and 3 nights after,
but she wouldn't answer the phone. When I finally got hold of her on
the phone, she said it was over between us. I got pretty upset over
this combined with the false allegation of abusing her son, so I
snapped and told her that was her choice, but that I would stop paying
her any money until after the baby was born. I swear to god I'm not
making this up - she told me that was fine, since she knew how much I
made and had already gone to the state's CSE web site and filled out
the worksheet to see what she would be getting in child-support
payments. Apparently, she had done this several weeks prior, and had
already determined that she could get by financially just fine with
the $916 a month the state would extract from my paycheck.

It took exactly 2 months after by daughter was born for CSE to send me
a letter demanding that I roll over and pay the amount they demanded.
I flat out refused to their demands, as I was already voluntarily
paying $600 a month plus making a $330 a month payment on the van I
bought her. I hired an attorney to represent me at my "court hearing"
thinking that would somehow help.

Did I mention what I fool I was?

For those of you who have already been to one or more of these "court
hearings" you know exactly what was in store for me. This was the
most disgusting circus act I've ever witnessed in my life. Each and
every male high school student should be required to attend one of
these jokes and witness what passes as justice, so they'll know what's
really going on. The courtroom was packed to capacity. One by one,
the cases were called off the docket. One by one, men of all ages and
all walks of life went before the judge. One by one they were given
less than a minute to speak before the judge rubber-stamped whatever
order the state was asking for. One guy about my age was a laid-off
computer programmer who was living with his father. He pleaded with
the judge to understand that the job market for his skills was mostly
dried up and the best job he could find only paid $9 an hour. The
judge took all of about 5 seconds to consider the case, and then
proceeded to "impute" this poor soul's income at $65,000 per year, his
old salary before he was laid off. It was immediate obvious to me
that this guy would be right back in that courtroom within 6 months
facing felony charges for failure to pay child-support. The amount he
was ordered to pay was over twice his present salary! There were so
many other cases that stuck out in my mind, but I won't even try to
detail them all.

My attorney was absolutely no help, and I was given the same
rubber-stamp treatment by the judge that everyone else got.

Here's the kicker: my uncle's wife walked out on him about 15 years
ago, taking their 2 daughters with her. Prior to the divorce, my
uncle was a successful chemical engineer with a good salary and the
"American Dream." Within 5 years, he was bankrupt and living in his
ex-wife's laundry room. Yeah, it was a weird situation. The thing I
feel so guilty about was that at the time I thought my uncle was a
total loser! I hadn't the slightest clue what he had been put through
by the "family court" system, and really just couldn't see why he was
having so many financial and emotional problems. Here was a guy who
was reduced to a bitter, bankrupted shadow of his former self. His
old life was nothing but rubble and slag, all because his wife walked
out of the marriage with the kids in tow.

Who else didn't have the slightest notion of the way things are until
it came knocking on their doorstep? I know I sure as hell didn't.

---
The Deserted Dad