"lu-lu" wrote in message
...
Feeling like it's one of those days. We've been TTC #2 since July, and
nothing's happened. I don't know why it's getting me down more today than
most other days, but I'm getting frustrated. I've been charting so
increase
my chances (something I didn't want to do), but now I'm finding it hard to
keep DH committed to the cause, and get him to do the necessary at the
right
time. Jessica's just about to be 21 months. If I fell pg right now, she'd
be
30 months when #2 is born, a far bigger gap than I ever wanted (18 months
was my plan). I'm now wondering if I want a gap bigger than 3 years, and
I'm
not sure I do, which leads me to think, if I don't conceive in the next 6
months, do I give up? Hard day.


Hugs Lucy. It is hard when it doesn't happen when we'd like it to. I guess
you have to stand back and look at the big picture -- would you rather have
an only child, or have two kids with a larger distance apart than you
originally planned? While I understand wanting your kids a certain age
apart, that sort of implies that we have control over conception, which we
really don't. And yet most "normal" people talk about starting to TTC
because they "want a Summer/Spring/Fall/Winter" baby, or because they are a
teacher, and they need to deliver at the beginning of Summer Vacation, or
because they want their kids 2 years apart, etc. And for so many people, it
actually does happen around when they want it to.

But wider gaps work out just as well, for different reasons. A wider gap
between kids may actually give you more time alone with your newborn, as
Jessica would be in preschool for a few hours each day, or worst case
scenario, kindy. I know the thought of a 5 year gap sounds terrible right
now, because you really want to be pregnant NOW, but in the end, the gap
between your kids is less important than having another child, isn't it? I
mean, if you want two kids, in 25+ years from now, will you really be sad
that you have a 23 year old and a 19 year old, rather than a 23 year old and
a 21 year old? Probably not. But you may wish that you had gone ahead and
kept trying, rather than quit all together.

I wanted to have my kids in my early 30's. That's when I started ttc. 5
years went by, and we still didn't have our take home baby. Finally we
moved to adoption and I brought Taylor home when I was 37, and Addie when I
was 39. Not exactly what I "planned," but in the end, it's how it was meant
to happen.

You know that saying -- "Want to make God laugh? Tell him your plans." All
you can do is stack the deck with well timed sex, and if need be, move on to
medical assistance. But in the end, we cannot control conception.

That being said, I know that it gets frustrating when you have to start
charting, and dh looses the motivation, and it ceases to be "fun" to
practice, etc. What I did at that point was get creative in ways to
initiate sex with dh. I'd buy a cute new piece of lingerie and put it on
and suprise him with it. Or I'd set up a table next to the bed with a
bottle of red wine, some crackers, cheese, fruit and chocolate, and tell him
we were stranded on the bed and could not leave. Dim the lights, put on
music, light a few candles, and just hang out together. Or I'd just walk
downstairs nekked and he'd get the hint. Don't mention ttc, or ovulation,
etc. Just seduce him a couple times that week (and then a few other times
during the month, so he doesn't feel like he's being used!)

Hugs my friend.

--

Jamie Clark