I'll clarify a little.....
My significant other and I have been together for a little over 7 years now.
my son's 8 years and 5 months old. (I toss in the months of age because when
my sig other and I met, my son and I were running for our lives. my sig
other and I were friends for a long time so he knew what was going on and he
begged me to leave the marriage before one of us got killed. my sister
begged me to leave my ex and so did my parents. I finally left after my
grandma had a talk with me about what the abuse was doing to me and my son.
So I left. I had to do it in a hurry while my ex was at work and while he
was convinced that I was going on a small vacation. my sig other supported
me emotionally because he knew that this was a very tough thing I was doing.
the fact that we ended up together was actually something of an accident.
I'm thankful for that accident.... we didn't know we'd fallen in love
until.... well, until it was the 3 of us. it had always been the 3of us. we
were never a couple, always a trio. I don't believe in marriage, I believe
in a yearly handfast. Political correctness is for.... well, nevermind. As
far as I'm concerned, the ring and the certificate mean nothing other than
ownership. it's just proof of ownership. That's all. we don't own each
other. we're free to leave. I love him and he loves us. I've never had to
try and convince myself of that. I've never had to second guess any "vows of
marriage" My promise is that so long as our paths are together, so shall we
be together but should our paths part, so shall we part and be free. We give
to each other something very precious. When I got sick, I got really scared.
I was more scared this past weekend than I've ever been in my entire life.
I'd never known that any person could suffer so much from an infection. I
was so afraid that I wasn't going home. How would they go on without me? How
would my son cope? What about my girls? I've found myself increasingly
saddened when I think about why my son acts out, the kind of fear he must've
felt.... I"m feeling a lot of stuff right now. I don't mean to bite at
anyone.... I'm also not gonna filter anyone. It's not worth it I've decided.
Like I said, I'm feeling a lot of stuff right now so I'll tell ya up front,
I'm sensitive right now. So I've read through this thread and will answer as
I can because I've gotten lots of good stuff here. Thanks!

--
"Many have forgotten this truth, but you must not forget it.
You remain responsible, forever, for what you have tamed."
~Antoine de Saint-Exupery
"Tiffany" wrote in message
...

"Bebelestrnge0721" wrote in message
...
Subject: Need a couple of ideas and resources
From: (Pacobr549)
Date: 9/16/2004 7:43 PM Eastern Standard Time
Message-id: 20040916194328.15331.00000623@
He's not his stepdad.

says who you ?

You aren't married.

and so ?

He may love your kid, but he's
not
his dad or his stepdad.

I do not believe she called him his dad?
the definition of stepdad : indeed uses the term married in the
definition,
why must you be so politically correct when you know there is a large
number of
HEALTHY non traditional family units? Must you nit pick someones family
beliefs? A political or religious ceremony does not define the term
Family
anymore. A marriage certificate does not make a family.


He's not a replacement for you. I'm not saying
there
was anything you could do about it, you can't help being sick and
having
to
leave him, but you need to understand (and I tried to say this before
when
you
got ****ed off and filtered me) that just because you love this guy and
want
to
think he's just as much family to your kid as you are, he's not, not in
your
kids eye. Very often parents assume that their kids should feel lovey
toward
their love interests because they do. But it doesn't necesarily work
that
way.
It may just be that part of his anger has something to do with this
difference
between him and you as to who this guy is in your life. Before you get
defensive and ****ed off, just think about it.


In many cases the "step parent" which IS the term used in these non
traditional households is a more loving more dedicated ,more supportive
,
and
most definately a healthier parental figure than some biological
parents.
You
would deny a child the parental love of someone solely because there is
no
marriage certificate? How sad is that ? JMHO

I am betting dollars to donuts that slykitten would not have left her
son
with
the man if there was a poor relationship between them and furthermore
you
belittle her judgement as a parent to suggest she would. You also
suggest
she
further distresses her sons condition by expecting him to be lovey with
her
love interest, which I am sure she that has gone to such lengths to
support and
help her son would not be carelessly adding fuel to the fires of this
childs
anger. I happen to know first hand that when a child has a raging mental
health
condition the child snaps out over the slightest of things. Many mental
health
conditions include a very narcistic sp ?
attitude. You are blaming her for her sons mental illness and I am
appalled .I
already know you don't care what I think or feel but then the feeling is
mutual
I am sure. Why did you bother to respond at all if you can't get off
your
pedastal and stop blaming parents that come here for advice . There is
no
way
in hell I will ever believe YOU have never made a mistake or fallen off
track
emotionally in your life, what is with you ? Not that I care...... Heh


Hold on there.... . you might want to read her post before replying. This
person did not slam anyone. She suggested that sly might want to consider
that the child is not totally into this step-father. Only Sly can say that
for sure and I am sure she will. Plus where does she say that one should
deny parental love because of the absence of a certificate? I think her
point is to consider the child is not dealing well with this new
step-father. And last but not least, where did she blame Sly for her son's
mental illness?

T