In article , Brandy
Kurtz wrote:

(John) wrote in message
. com...
Help! Married with Children


Shortly after becoming a whitewater addict, I got married and now have
two very young kids. My time on the water has been limited. My wife
is a non-boater and the majority of our marital discord has revolved
around river trips. She resents being left alone to care for the
kids, drive shuttles, etc.

Maybe if you helped out more around the house with the kids and
chores, and paid your wife some attention, she wouldn't resent you
going on your whitewater trips. Does your wife also have a hobby, or
are you so wrapped up in yours that she doesn't get a chance?

Brandy (who BTW resents men who think women are there for babysitting
and housework!)

Hey, you left out that John is a contemptible heel who probably has
issues with his mother :-)

Seriously, the problem to be worked out is how evenly the parenting
responsibilities are actually shared, compared with how evenly the
couple assumes they should be shared. E.g., my sister just assumes that
her husband is too busy heroically working to support his family to
pick up many womanly responsibilities. She'd frankly resent his
intrusion on her domain.

Personally, I'm doing about half minus the BF thing, and we were pretty
much in agreement about division of housework to begin with. I guess
I'm girly like that. There's still some tension, because I want to go
off on my own for a climbing day trip now and then while she doesn't
like to be off on her own more than a couple yoga classes and some
shopping every week.

My strategy is to remind her of aggregated "her" time, bank it up until
it amounts to a cragging trip that's shorter than I'd like but
satisfying enough, and float it by her after an especially fussy night
or a yoga class trip that went long--anything that sparks her sympathy.

But you need to have this routine worked out before the shoe drops. In
any case, internet time cuts into my time allowance, and it was
probably a troll to begin with :-)

APS