In article ehrebeniuk-89492B.19521514032008@news, Chookie says...

In article ,
"Stephanie" wrote:

My overall point is that many parents, especially in more socially
conservative countries, try to structure the lives of their children,
even their adult children, to reduce the chance of bad things
happening.


We all have values. We all attempt to instill them in our children. By the
time the children reach adulthood, it makes more sense to allow those values
to take shape of their own. Controlling the lives of adult children so that
they don't disappoint the *parent* is counter-productive to the job of
growing up. which is the child's concern.

And *you're* not culture-bound either...

When I was at Uni, I met one girl (an overseas student from SE Asia) who was
studying accountancy because the family business required it. She yearned to
be an interior designer, but I would imagine that back home, she was less
conflicted about it.

In many Asian societies, the elders have a great deal of say in how the adult
children run their lives. Some cultures value solidarity over independence,
and probably see Western individualism as rather bratty and self-centred.


True, and good point. I see many such differences in the relationship with
families of my engineering colleagues from India and China and other countries.

There are huge benefits and huge burdens to either - the culture that values
individualism, and the culture that values solidarity. While American born
parents are looking for childcare, my Indian and Chinese colleagues can hardly
stop their own parents from flying half way around the world to take up
residence to care for their grandchildren. While my American born friends and
colleagues were scratching together down payments for houses, waiting until well
into their thirties (or, more recently, just going in way over their heads in
their 20's), my Indian and Chinese colleagues go straight to the realtor with
hefty funds from their parents. Those without family means are benefitted in
similar ways, children (especially the eldest) are fostered into their lives'
occupations using the connections of their parents.

A culture that *only* demanded from the younger to the elder couldn't sustain.

Which is better? I dunno. Independant souls like myself would likely chafe and
be very unhappy in a solidarity society (but I don't even know that for sure);
those who are lost for lack of direction in our society and flounder, may well
have thrived in such a society.

But in this newsgroup most of the people are western, or at the least will be
raising their children in a western society.

I miss Rupa Bose and others who had a wide view.

Banty