Scott wrote:

[beeswing wrote]
SNIPPED BY BEESWING
Frankly, I'm feeling quite lost at being a mom of a growing tween.

Join the club

I don't know how it is for you, but the answers seemed much more clear-cut when
The Kid was younger!


DD, at almost 11, is way too much into American Idol, IMNSHO.
But she still watched a lot of it. That and the Simpsons
(which we watch together) is her television repertoire (it helps
that we don't get cable or good TV reception). It also helps
that the TV is in our (unfinished) basement -- a very
inconvenient place to watch.

My daughter has several shows she watches, but she also spends a lot of time
reading, being outside, and doing other things. She'll choose reading,
especially, over TV.

I think it really helps control
TV viewing if watching the TV is not the default activity.
If your kid says "I'm bored" and you say "watch some TV" --
well, that's hardly optimal in my book.

I agree, and I've talked to my daughter about this. I was a communications
major back in college. We were taught a theory that stuck with me: that people
tend to watch the "LOP" -- the least objectionable program. They don't turn on
the TV to watch a specific, good show; they flip channels until they settle on
what is "least bad." I try to teach my daughter that if she wants to watch
something specifically, something that's she truly likes, that's one
thing...but if there's nothing good on or if what's on isn't something that she
deliberately would have chosen, the TV needs to be turned off.

(I usually say
"I wasn't put on this Earth to entertain you.") I would feel
comfortable handing over viewing reins to her now, almost;
I don't think she'll watch a lot, actually, and I can always
take the reins back. In fact, I could stipulate, handing over
the reins, that they may be removed if she abuses the
priviledge.

I've never set a limit on how much TV The Kid could watch, but I have talked
about how much is too much in general terms. I'm less worried about how much
time she would spend watching than *what* she it was she'd watch. Given her
druthers, we'd have an influx of "Pokemon," "Digimon," "Code Lyoke," "Sonic the
Hedgehog," and similar fare. It wouldn't be the end of the world, but it
wouldn't exactly be material to build young minds and characters, either.

Most of DD's current lobbying efforts are to see PG-13 movies,
anyway. So far fruitless lobbying. She really wants/wanted
to see Mean Girls, the Lindsay Lohan movie, but she never did.
Maybe when it's on video. The raciest movie she's seen so
far, I think, is Victor/Victoria -- I FF'ed through Lesley
Warren's number, though.

I let my daughter successfully lobby for some things. For example, she wanted
to watch "Teen Titans." She argued her case, and then I watched the show with
her once. I decided it was silly but not objectionable, so I let her win that
one.

With the movies she wants to see, I *will* let her mount an argument, and I
will listen to it with a fairly open mind. I'm willing to consider allowing
myself to be convinced. But I also do my own research, and when it comes down
to it, it's still my decision to make.

If I remember right, there have been a very few PG-13 movies we have allowed
(wasn't one of the "Harry Potter" movies PG-13?). I use a few Internet sources
to figure out what was "PG-13" about the movie and if it's something I can live
with my kid seeing. And she gets Parently Guided...she's only been allowed to
see them accompanied by us.

As far as peer pressure goes, that toxic little classmate
of hers sounds like a piece of work. DD and I have talked
about people like that, and she knows I don't cotton to
doing things because other people are trying to make me
feel somehow lessened because of things I have or have
not done. I hope she's suitably innoculated against that
kind of thing. We'll see for sure next year in Middle School.

The Kid claims that she knows what peer pressure is and that it doesn't affect
her. It was pretty clear she was letting that particular kid get under her
skin, though. When she told me the story, I laughed a little and told her: "Ask
him a few back: 'Have you seen *Whale Rider*?' 'Have you seen *Bend It Like
Beckham*?" Getting into the spirit of it, she added "Have you seen
*Rabbit-Proof Fence*?" At that point, I had to admit that one-upping people
really wasn't a good thing to do...even if tempting sometimes.

Thanks for responding; it's good to hear other's tween experiences.

beeswing