wrote:
We have a senior boy and freshman girl. Our girl must get to school
early (a whole 20 min) to drop off her instrument before her first
class. School starts at 7:40 am and we like to leave at 7:15 - 7:20
am. We have had to leave without him four times to get our daughter to
school on time.

You have me confused. If school starts at 7:40 and your daughter must
be there 20 minutes early, then she must be there by 7:20. How are you
*leaving* at 7:20? In any event, it seems like the school is quite
close to your home, since you can get there in 5 minutes or less. Why
can't your son walk there?

He refuses to go into his first hour class late and
misses first hour. Very frustrating that he cannot get up to leave on
time - he gets up at 7:45 and takes long shower. We excused a few of
these absences. The school does nothing accept lower his grade. He
has lost what few privileges he has at home. His response is that we
should buy him a car so that he can drive separately. We live in an
affluent are where most kids have cars.

The problem isn't that his sister has to arrive spectacularly early, or
even that he enjoys long morning showers. The problem is that he wakes
up AFTER school starts! (How does he even make it by SECOND period?)

What does *he* have to say about this? Is this a new problem, or did
it happen last year as well? Is the school's schedule sufficiently
flexible that he can forego a first period class? Have you provided
him with the proper resources to succeed ( functioning alarm clock; any
chance his sister is hogging the bathroom so that he cannot get in
there until she leaves for school?).

Make sure he comprehends the consequences -- he may not graduate, he
may not be able to attend college. Also make sure that he is aware of
YOUR responses to such consequences (he will be required to get a job
and to pay rent if he remains at home while not in school?). At that
point, I think you just have to let him be.

As to the car, even if you would otherwise be inclined to let him
drive, it seems to me that he is not acting like a responsible adult,
and it would therefore be a mistake to give him a car.

Barbara