wrote in message
. net...
CME wrote:
"Joelle" wrote in message
...
ome psychoes are either really good at faking normal or really do
care so much for me that they are dr. jekyll when they are with me
and mr. hyde to other people or have been mr. hyde at times in the
past and are trying

eally hard not to be when they are with me but after awhile the
undercurrent of danger comes to the surface but by then I'm
entangled.

SIgh. I know I'm just farting in the wind here, but honestly
Lorian, if once or twice you meet some guy who really did "change"
after you got to know him, well, once can happen to anyone, twice,
it's time to start thinking twice, but if this is happening to you
often or "all the time" you really do have to look at yourself.
Most men are not Dr. Jekyll/Mr. Hyde - and if the majority of the
men you are attracted to are, then you have to look at yourself and
why you are drawn to that sort of person. Or you may be expecting
it of them and you see it when it's not there.

Yea I know, I'm being oppressive and blaming the victim. I've
really sort of given up on you - but maybe someone else reading this
who is in the same pattern will think about it and look at what they
can do to change the pattern.


Joelle

From what she's said though, is that that was the past. She isn't
dating anyone for exactly those reasons. And I don't think that
pointing out how one falls into patterns of behaviour is victim
blaming, so hopefully she sees that.

Christine

I did sort of say it in the present tense because after all these years of
abstinence my son got sick of me and last fall told me to go find
somebody.
The first guy I met was a jerk and I found out fairly quickly but the
second
guy was really nice and I really liked him and we got along great for
several months but something wasn't right and although he really seemed to
like me he kept his distance and seemed to have a lot of secrets and just
the more I find out the worse it gets and he's looking like the jackpot of
all psychoes ever and he's really fixated on me. I don't even want to
think
about it. I broke up with him months ago but he doesn't seem to recall
that. When I'm not around he hits on women who look like me. great. But
to see this guy and be with him, you wouldn't know he was any of the
things
I have heard about him. That is what is weird. My past abusers have been
flat out trying to kill me so there was no denial. This guy is more like
Ted Bundy, good looking and clean cut but something ain't right and other
people are telling you that but you just can't believe it but your
instincts
are telling you to get out.

Well maybe that's part of your problem. I know for me, if my instincts are
telling me that something is wrong with a person. I listen. Period. It
seems like you stick around to prove yourself right.


Christine



In psychology it's called cognitive dissonance,
what you see or know and what you feel don't match so you walk around very
confused and it's hard to take action. That and I just don't want to
believe this is happening, I feel trapped again, I don't want to run away
again, this time I have too much to lose. I never had that before.
Whoever
said time heals all wounds was wrong. The YWCA offers a pattern changing
class and every time I try to sign up it's full. I need that damn class.