Although I did use some of How to Talk so your Kids Will Listen- I did (and
still do ) try to use logical consequences, I must be the last parent on
earth who told my kids they had to do what I said because it was their job
to obey me. (I must give some credit to Raising Good Children by Thomas
Lickona for the idea). I didn't threaten them, but it was explained that Mom
and Dad's job was to keep them safe and do what is good for the family. We
would talk about rules and why Mom and Dad have them.Do this ahead of time
or later in the day after the incident. When they were little and I need
them to follow me- I would say "Ducklings" and they would (most of the
time!) follow me like the ducks in Make Way for Ducklings.So do now, grieve
later. I try to seriously listen to objections and see what we can do better
next time- but when I say come here or get on the car- then I expect you to
do it. Now and 13 and 16 it is different- and my children (especially the 16
year old) have a lot of freedom and I very seldom have to give an "order".

We are a religious family and my husband and I talk about how every one is
subject to some kind of authority. (Kids often think that adults get to do
whatever they want). At work, we have bosses. Ultimately we have to answer
to God.-right now God has given you teachers and parents to help you grow
up. A good example that my kids related very well to was a tomato plant (we
garden). Rules are the stakes and help the plant grow up tall and produce
fruit. Without the stakes, the plant flops everywhere and the fruit gets
rotten on the ground.

Marion Betor Baumgarten
mother to die Wunderkinder