dragonlady wrote:
In article ,
Scott wrote:


Lately, DD has taken to IM-img (Instant Messaging) her
friends. In principle, I suppose, I have nothing against
this, although I prefer it when she emails, at that
leaves a virtual trail that is lacking with IM.

I'm just curious what others' have done as far as
restricting IM. DD has a friend who as far as I can
tell would DIE without IM -- and when DD is at
the friend's house, that's mostly what they do, to
the detriment of things like homework. (This
friend is also, I think, only very lightly supervised,
but that's another post entirely). That's a problem
I think we have a handle on.

Also, I assume there are software packages one can
put on your machine to capture and hold the IM
messages. Has anyone a recommendation? We
have an iMac running panther, or maybe tiger.
That's what she does her IM-ing on, the computer.
We have no cell phone, so we've not had to deal
with phone messaging.

Scott DD 11 and DS 8.8



Except when there was an obvious problem, I have never monitored my
kids' conversations with their friends, and that would include
electronic conversations. I'm not sure what your perception of the
problem is. If it is that they are NOT doing homework, then focus on
the homework issue.

Your kids have conversations with friends out of your hearing all the
time. That modern technology has extended the WAYS they can do that,
somehow people have gotten the idea that the new forms of communication
need a sort of monitoring that they would never consider for the old
forms: would you put a bug in your daughter's bedroom, or follow her to
school with a long distance microphone? Do you eavesdrop on her phone
conversations? Why do you think the IMing is more dangerous/more of a
problem?

IMing is fine if she knows to whom she speaks, and I'm
hoping that she does (that's our rule, at least). I'm
a little less sure what goes on at the other house. Of
course, our monitoring our computer won't solve that.
BH was actually watching an IM session (yes, she was POS),
and one of the boys DD was IMing told her to suck his..
well, you can guess what. DD had a nice respones of
Eew, and closed the conversation. It wasn't an actual
invitation, I don't think, but more of a generic statement
that boys will make. Still, it's alarming to hear from
a 6th grader. I was tempted to call his parents and
let them know about it, but I don't know them. But I
would want to know if my child was making such
inappropriate statements. I guess that is underlying
my curiosity in knowing what's going on.

My other concern is the time spent IMing vs. doing other
things. "I don't know how that window got opened!"
is a common statement. I think if she knows we can
monitor her statements, IMing will lose some of its
attractiveness. Maybe a strict time limit will help.

Thanks for your comments.

Scott, chief Luddite in family, DD 11 and DS 8.8