Louise wrote:

I think it's fine for trick or treating to continue into the young
teenage years. We started talking about future choices when our kids
were eleven or twelve, reminding them that they wouldn't want to
trick-or-treat forever, but as they became older they could hand out
the candy at home or have a costume party at home or at a friend's
house. Oh, and we certainly demonstrated that at our house, we bought
enough candy that the non-trick-or-treating adults got to eat some.

After that, they made different choices in different years - one made
a conscious choice to stay home handing out candy one year to try that
out, knowing that another year of trick-or-treating would still be
appropriate after that. We certainly made it clear that although we
weren't rushing them out of childhood, some families weren't going to
approve, and reminded them that as they got taller, it was even more
important to be courteous to the hosts and to the smaller children and
parents who were out, and it was also a good idea to do their
trick-or-treating either with younger children or in groups no bigger
than two or three, rather than risk being perceived as a danger by
families or by the police. I think they each chose to stop
trick-or-treating after about grade 9, but have both still continued
to celebrate with costumes and friends into young adulthood.

I definitely wouldn't penalize her for being able to express her
feelings in a mature articulate way.

No, I would never do that. A big part of the reason she's being allowed
to go trick-or-treating this year is because she was able to calmly and
articulately explain the reasons why it was important to her. It's
important *to me* that I give her considerations proper weight and show
that, given good reason, I am willing to revisit an issue.

At her age, I certainly
remember feeling anxious about anything that felt like being forced to
give up childhood pleasures before I was ready. Part of me wanted a
summer job and unrestricted privileges in the adult section of the
library and a driver's licence and and a brassiere (probably in that
order of priority!), but part of me wanted to savour the familiar
pleasures of childhood and have some control into how and when I laid
them aside.

Louise

Thanks so much for your response. Lots of great stuff to think about.

She *is* going trick-or-treating this year, by the way. Assuming she
gets her outfit put together in time. She wanted to design and create
her own.

beeswing