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Old March 23rd 04, 05:58 PM
Lisa
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Default Update: Problems with 14yr old sister...


"Joelle" wrote in message
...
My sister acted throughout the conversation as if she
was quoting/reading a script when making her various claims about what

has
supposedly been different lately (I say this seeing how easy it was to
explain the reasoning to her


So everything she said to you - you had a counter argument and

"explanation"
and you calmly explained to her how wrong she was about everything. How

nice.
That would make me want to talke to you again.

(for those who think I'm making excuses of why I'm not trying certain

things
& that I'm not really looking for input...if I weren't then why would I

be
taking the time to post/follow up here?


So you can justify, defend and "explain" yourself - the same way you did

when
you supposedly "listened" to your little sister.

Next time, just listen. Try to see it from her perspective, right or

wrong,
that's how it feels to her and she took the time to try to tell you and

all you
did was shoot her down. That's not listening. It's not about you and
defending or explaining yourself to her. It's about her and trying to
understand what she is going through and how it feels.


The mind of a 14 year old is easily filled with perceptions. This young
girl is exposed to a lot of perceptions by outside influences that are not
exactly meant to be in the mix. Those perceptions are simply an
interpretation or understanding. Interpretations need clarification in
order to agree on an understanding. It sounds to me like Daniel did hear
his sister out, and addressed each of her perceptions with clarification.
Nor do I think Daniel is making "it all about him", in that he is more the
central topic of the all the things his sister brought up.

Lesson learned, though, Daniel, is that I hope next time you realize that
only you can really count on yourself to give the guidance and supervision
to your sister that you feel appropriate. Clearly, the friend that you had
asked to keep an eye wasn't helping a whole lot.

Lisa





Before you answer right away about how I'm wrong, just take a breath. You
don't have to defend yourself. I'm sure you care about your sister and

are
trying to help her- but you seem to have a need to justify yourself - here

and
to your sister that is getting in the way of your ability to listen. Next

time
she talks to you (if you get that chance) try just shutting up and hearing

her.

Joelle
The world is a book and those who do not travel read only one page - St
Augustine
Joelle